That Old Blue Thunder

He could always get me with the car
He was the only guy that knew
Not to bother with jewels
Or poetry or nights out dining
Dancing around town

He knew what I liked
So he'd ride up in it
With the top down
And the leather sticky

He'd bring by that old blue thunder
And I'd get in
And I'd let him buckle me in
Let his hand get a little too close
Let my head fall back and close my eyes
And not care where we were going

When I think about it
Any of it
My head feels light
Because I was, you know
I was so light

I didn't even own an alarm clock
I never looked at the time
I didn't believe in maps
I was like my father

I loved getting lost

I would make up extra errands for myself
When I went out somewhere
Just because I wanted to make every trip--

--Something

Just something, you know?

Just something more than a trip to get milk
Or to see my aunt
Or to go on some date
With some boy
Who combed his hair
So that the part...

Oh God, I was ridiculous

I didn't care about anything
But what was going on
Right in front of me

How did I grow up
To be so...

Encumbered?

Is that a good word for it?

I drive such a sensible car now
I mean, I always did drive sensible cars
My first car was a sensible car
I drove it for years

But now I date men
Who drive sensible cars

Dean drove a sensible car

He was my husband
And now he's somebody else's husband
And the marriage was boring
And he was boring and so was I
And none of it was bad, just boring
And that's why it ended

I can't say I ever really loved him
I was just somebody with a broken heart
Somebody who got walked out on
And when that man walked back in

And I knew one day he would walk back in

I wanted him to walk back in
On a girl with a husband
And a nice house
And a smug look on her face

But he waited too long

So instead he rolled up
To a divorcee
With an overly furnished apartment
And a kitchen table full of pamphlets on adoption

He showed up in that car
Looking like the oil had just been changed
And he turned March
Into July
Just by taking off his sunglasses

And I didn't have to get in that car
I could have sat down at my kitchen table
And did my taxes
And sent out e-mails on my laptop
And embraced sensible maturity

But I said to Hell with that
And I went

I walked out into cold weather
Feeling heat radiate off my body
And I remember trying to look cool
For the first time since the last time
I was looking at that car

He pushed open the door
And then just looked ahead of him
Right at the road

It was always about the road
It was never about who was riding next to him

I could never offer as much
As the next block over
Or the next highway exit
Or a dot on a map

Remember--I never even owned a map

When he left I bought maps
I bought lots of maps
To see if I could figure out
Where he was

To see if I could see him
In one of those dots
On one of those lines

I bought an alarm clock
I bought all kinds of clocks
I bought a fashionable
Yet sensible, watch

I found a man
Who wasn't going anywhere
And I wrapped us up in vows
And anchored us down

He got sick of drowning
And I loved it

But now I'm in front of that old blue thunder
And I'm sick of not breathing in
I want to taste the air
On the next block over

So I get in the car
And he buckles me in
And we drive away

I don't know when we're coming back
I just know I love not knowing

Maybe that's what I missed
All along