Jack Hardy's Bitter Gay New Year's Eve

It's like...depressing

Like, not happy.

You know?

Like...I'm devastated...

And it's New Year's Eve

Ew.

Yeah.

You wanna make out?

Whatever.

It's fine.

So that's a 'No,' right?

Okay...

Fine.

Do you have chapstick on you?

Is it cinnamon?

Oh....never mind.

We should have gone to Slice.

They have red chairs there.

It's sooo much cooler there.

No, I don't want to go now.

I'm over it.

You know who I hate? My ex.

I wish he was here.

Whatever.

Hate him.

Do you smell potato chips?

I really want potato chips.

Look at that guy dancing.

He's stupid.

I should go down there and hit him.

Whatever.

It's so rank in here.

I hate it.

No, let's stay.

Like, why leave?

You know?

We're here.

It sucks.

Happy New Year.

I want to kill myself.

Do you like my jeans?

They were so much money.

And I'm broke.

But my ass looks hot.

So yeah...

Is that a fedora?

Is she wearing a fedora?

I hate her.

Slash love her.

What's her name?

Do you know her?

Should I say Hi?

You don't know her?

You don't know anyone.

Ew, don't get bitchy.

Whatever.

I want potato chips.

I think I'm sober.

That's rank.

Is that a cheetah down there?

It looks like a cheetah.

A what?

Just a girl on all fours?

Well, she's amazing.

Why is she here?

She looks like a cheetah.

Amazing Cheetah Girl of My Life.

Love her.

Slash hate her.

Whatever.

I want to get handcuffed tonight.

Do you want to handcuff me?

We don't have to touch.

Ew, fine.

Do you like ugly guys?

I don't.

But sometimes I get desperate.

Hint hint.

Wink wink.

Nod nod.

I made an ashtray out of a tube sock at camp.

I was like eleven.

Yeah...

Camp sucked

Whatever

Is cheetah girl looking up at me?

She's not?

What a bitch.

Fuck her.

I hate her.

I should dance with her.

Want to?

Ew, okay.

Question.

Do these jeans make my bulge look yum?

Yeah, but is it yum?

Yeah, but is it YUM?

Yum or no yum?

If they're not yum they're going back.

I need a drink.

I want potato chips.

I still have that tube sock ashtray.

Amazing Cheetah Girl is so coked out.

I'm obsessed with her.

Should I kiss her at midnight?

Because I'm not kissing you.

Because you don't have chapstick.

And I hate you.

Slash love you.

I hope next year doesn't suck.

'Cause like, this year totally sucked.

But whatever.

I try to keep a positive outlook.