All the Deals I Didn't Keep

You know you get to a certain age

And it's all about the deals you didn't keep

Not the ones you did

When you were younger

You came down with something

All the neighborhood kids had it

But you got it bad

And pretty soon you were in the hospital

And they were saying--

'It doesn't look good for him'

And I remember shaking that off

Like--'What do you mean, it doesn't look good?'

I didn't understand that what they were telling me was

You were dying

So I said a little prayer in my head

A simple sort of prayer

And told God if he let me keep you

I'd stay with your Daddy

Even though I'd already started making plans to go

I'd lost your brother Jake

When he was six months old

And I just thought--

No, I can't lose another one

So I prayed

And six days went by

Six

Prayer doesn't always work

Overnight

Sometimes you wait in Hell for six days

And then on the sixth day

They say--Miracle

And I said--There wasn't nothing miraculous about it

God was just trying to decide

Whether or not I was offering him a good deal

God likes the deal

He takes it

Then two years later

I leave your Daddy

A couple of days after that

I find you with beer on your breath

I ground you

Threaten to send you back to your Daddy

And you just look at me

With something extra in you

That I never seen in a kid before

It was God

Saying--Sorry, girl, you didn't keep our deal

Now I gotta give your child to the Devil

So you start in on the bad stuff

And pretty soon

Ain't nothing about you left

That isn't bad stuff

And I know why

Everybody else shakes and cries

Prays for you, the way I prayed for you

Wonders what's gotta snap in you to change

And I feel like tellin' 'em

I know why

I know why she is how she is

And I know she ain't going to get better either

Because her Daddy hit me one time too many

And I decided a deal wasn't a deal anymore

And I took my chances in a little station wagon

And a three-hour drive

But you can't hide

From your promises

So now, here you are

Back in the hospital

Back hooked up to tubes

Got beat up by a man

Probably wasn't no different than your Daddy

A dealer maybe

And a boyfriend

Because that'd keep the product coming

More regular

Even when you were stupid

You were smart

That's what kills me

And that I'm sitting here now

Looking up

Thinking

Right or wrong

A deal's a deal

And nobody's gonna do a deal

With me now