Jack Hardy Had Sex With Your Boyfriend

Yeah, so, I sort of had sex with your boyfriend

It's not like a thing or anything it just sort of happened

Like I was looking at him and I was like, Wow, he's cute

I'd like to have sex with him

And then I remembered that he's seeing someone

And then I hit on him anyway

And then we had sex

So as you can see, the whole thing was totally unavoidable

Look, if you're going to be a bitch about it I don't know if this friendship can work

I mean, forgiveness is a pretty big part of any successful relationship

Especially with me because I screw up so much

I think what you have to remember is that people don't really belong to people

Like, your boyfriend's really hot so you can't just be all 'ohhhh he's mine you can't have him'

That's just greedy

I mean, like, a lot of people want to sleep with him

And there's really no reason they shouldn't be able to

Because we live in a progressive society where sexuality is just one facet of any relationship

Or something, whatever

I mean, if he were gross, then like, you could probably just have him all to yourself

But that's, like, not the case at all

So you sort of have to ease up a little bit on the whole monogamy thing

Just don't ease up too much because if a ton of people sleep with him

Than me sleeping with him isn't going to mean very much

Look, do you want to sleep with me?

Because I'll totally sleep with you if that'll make you feel better

And also because you're hot and I want to sleep with you

I mean, you're not as hot as your boyfriend, but you're still way hotter than a lot of people I wouldn't sleep with

Sooo, I guess you're in luck

Or something, whatever

Ew, don't be mad

I just said I'd sleep with you

That's like the best compliment in the world

Oh, wait no, 'you're so skinny you look like you're dying' is the best compliment in the world

But I'll sleep with you is, like, a really close second

Do you want to sleep with me at the same time your boyfriend is sleeping with me?

Because I could probably make that work as well

Just make sure you don't do anything with each other while it's happening because I get really jealous

And also tell me how skinny I am

Ew, don't be mad it's 2012

I don't know what that means I just know you can win a lot of arguments with that

Like, 'Oh my god are you a bow tie?  It's 2012!'

And then you win the argument

You're, like, not even being cool right now

I'm going to stop being friends with you

And that'll make me sad because I really want to sleep with you

And I feel like if we're not friends and don't see each other regularly

It's going to be really hard to make that happen

I'd also like to sleep with your boyfriend again

And the first time we did it

I was all like--'It's cool that we're doing this because your boyfriend and I are best friends

--So, like, take your pants off and stuff' or something, whatever

That's sort of my golden argument

Huh?

First time?

Yeah, there were like seven...

Uh...

Okay, don't be mad

Or whatever