Danielle Steel Improves The Grapes of Wrath

Here's the problem with Steinbeck
Everybody in a Steinbeck novel is dirty

Dirty farm people, dirty factory people
Okies and mentally challenged giants

Who wants to read about that?
Maybe frumpy college professors
Who like torturing their students

Or history nuts
Or read about the Great Depression
In between feeding their nineteen cats
And crying into a bowl of sherbet

But the rest of us want something
A little...juicier

That's why I'm releasing fresh versions
Of classic novels

New and improved
By Yours Truly

Danielle Steel

And the first book
To go through the Steel machine
Is The Grapes of Wrath

First off, what a dreary name
Grapes are good
They remind me of Ancient Rome
When women would bear their bosom
To returning Spartan soldiers
Only to find that their husbands' appetites
Had grown only wider and...deeper

So let's revise that title
Now it's The Luscious Busty Grapes of Lust
I don't know if grapes can be busty
But if they could, I'm sure they would be
So we'll leave it like that

No longer is it set in the Dust Bowl
Whatever that is

Now it's a story that takes place in Paris
Where a poor family is going to lose their bakery--not their farm
Unless the oldest son can appeal to the banker's daughter
And convince her father, the head of the bank
That love really is all that matters

Perhaps at some point, the banker's daughter and the Parisian bakery boy
Get on a plane bound for America
Determined to find out whether or not
Whether the child she gave up for adoption
Really is that up-and-coming Hollywood starlet
Jessica de Maryland

But bakery boy has his own dark secret
That he's never told anyone

Of course, the banker's daughter should be able to get it out of him
Perhaps with a pastry bag and a porch light on a cool summer's evening?

You see?

Now isn't this book sounding better already?
I know I'd read The Luscious Busty Grapes of Lust

Although I can't say I'd do a book report on it
But then if I don't, my teacher might have to discipline me...

Hahaha ohhh, Miss Steel
You are a wily one

Stay tuned for upcoming titles
And also, check out my newest original book
The Sultry Florist

The hothouse has never been so...hot