Joseph on the Plane

The thing is
It's the difference
Between life and death

Life and death

I mean, let's not trivialize this, okay?

If this plane goes down
I'm dead
I'm not maybe dead
I'm just dead
Forget those bullshit movies
Where we land in the mountains
And six people survive
And we end up eating the fat guy
Chances are, I'm just dead

And even if I'm not
Is the mountain-crash-eating-the-fat-guy scenario
Really that much better?

People say--
'Ohhh, cars are worse'

You're much more likely
To die in a car crash

But what they don't say
What they DON'T say
Is that at least when you're in a car crash
Your last thought
Even if the car is flipping over a bridge
Into a river
Is--I might--I MIGHT--survive this

I have a chance

Because people survive car crashes
People survive car crashes
All the time

If this plane starts going down
What does everybody scream?

We're going to die
We're going to die
We're going to die

Why?

Because when planes crash
The people on the planes
Die

That's just how it works

So when everybody tells me
Relax
You're fine
If it's your time
It's your time

What astounds me is--

They're talking about me dying

They're talking about me dying
Like it's nothing
Like it's no big deal

It's a big BIG deal
I'd be dead

Dead isn't like depressed

You're not dead for a little while
You're dead

And the only reason people say--

Do it anyway

Is because, to them
If going to Bermuda
Means risking death
Than 'Hey Death, let's roll the dice'

What the hell, you know?

Why am I the only person
Actually scared to die?

And why is being scared to die
A problem?

Aren't you supposed to love life?
I mean, isn't that what New Age bullshit gurus say?
Love life
Embrace life
Seize life

Yeah, and how ironic
That to seize life
You have to risk death

Unless you want to just sort of live life
But you know what?

I'm okay with that

I'm okay with sort-of-risking life

If it means I get to KEEP LIVING

Even if that means
I pass up a week on the beach somewhere
Because I like my life
I love my life
And I don't want to risk it
For margaritas and scuba-diving
I'm sorry
But it's not WORTH IT

Oh my God
We're taking off
Oh my God
We're taking off
On my God
OhmyIcan'topenmyeyesthiswasahugemistakeI'm...

. . . . .

The thing is...

I know I could be wrong
I might be wrong
I'm probably wrong
But if I'm not...

The risk

The risk terrifies me

I'm not risky
I'm not a risky person

So this--

Doing this
Is like

It's like I'm taking the very core of who I am
And rubbing sandpaper up against it, you know?

It's...scary

You know they say most people don't know
What actual hunger is

I think it's the same thing with fear
You don't know actual fear

Maybe you don't like clowns
Or rats
Or small spaces
But you think you're afraid of them
When you're really not
So you face them
And you think
Oh, I'm so brave
But you're not
Because then you get on a plane
And suddenly, it's like 'Damn Joseph, you're really a coward'

But you're on the plane
And you're scared out of your mind
But you're on the plane
And you can't relax
But you're on the plane

You got on the plane

So is that bravery?

Probably not

But I guess...

It's a step

It's a step in the right direction

And man...

It's weird to spend your whole life believing you're right
And then feel a plane take off
And with everything you are
Pray, pray with all your heart
That you're wrong