The Blind Bride

Someone has to tell her

I mean, he's...

Okay, do I have to be the one to say it?

He's hideous

I mean, I can see how she made this mistake

The contours of his face are...I mean, I'm sure they're fine

But he's...

Something...just doesn't add up

I mean, his teeth...

Has she, you know...touched...his teeth?

I just can't imagine

Well, we're her friends

One of us has to say something

Oh, don't give me that personality bullshit

The woman may be blind, but she's gorgeous

She wouldn't just marry anyone

She wants one of us to tell her that he's--

So?

Who's going to tell her?

Oh don't pull the sister card on me here

I'm adopted

I'm pulling the adopted card

Besides, I've spent my whole life warning her about shit

This time it's someone else's turn

Well, of course she's happy

She's happy now

Because she thinks she's marrying someone handsome

Because she BELIEVES that someone would tell her if she wasn't

Sooo someone has to tell her

I mean, we don't have to do it right away

That's why they have the--

Speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-piece part

As soon as they say that

Just raise your hand

And say, 'This man is ugly'

Then we can all go to the reception

And take full advantage

Of the open bar

She would want us to do the same for her!

Remember when I dated the guy with the annoying laugh?

I thought he was the one

I introduced her to him

She made him laugh

Then I broke up with him

This is pretty much the exact same thing

I'd say one of us could write her a note

But then I'd get stuck reading it to her

So let's just...wait until an opportune moment

And then shout it out

Quick and fast

Just like a band-aid

We have to ruin her wedding

It's the right thing to do

Oh, and while we're at it

We should mention the dress

Oof

The poor thing

Thank god she has people like us

To help her out