Molly in the Kitchen

In my dreams, I'm married to Molly Ringwald
And we sit in a field together
And read Don Quixote
And talk about what we're going to name our kids

In the dream, Molly leaves me
To go down to a pond
And ice skate
Until the sun sets

I could never find out if the real Molly Ringwald
Liked ice-skating or not

It's just one of those things
They don't put on your Wikipedia page

Now Molly's just someone I see in my dreams
But for awhile there, I really saw her
Like, in my kitchen

She'd talk to me
I'd make her dinner
We'd discuss how under-appreciated
The movie 'Betsy's Wedding' is

I really didn't think anything of it
Because it never really occurs to you
That you might be completely out of your mind

You know, because I was getting to work on time everyday
Physically, I was in pretty good shape
I wasn't addicted to anything--drugs, alcohol, whatever
I paid my rent, I did my own taxes, I showered daily

I was just completely out of my mind

And the only reason I even noticed is because one day
Molly told me to pick up a knife
And cut my finger off

Now, don't worry, I didn't do it
But I felt incredibly anxious about not doing it
And the anxiety kept getting worse
And I started having these chest pains
So I went to the doctor
And I told him about the anxiety
And she said--What's making you anxious?
And I said--Molly Ringwald
And she said--Molly Ringwald is making you anxious?
And I said--Not usually, but lately she's been telling me to cut my finger off, and I'd rather not.
And that's when she started to look concerned

Now, I'm telling you all this
Because I'm sure you probably have an idea
About what it means
To be a crazy person
And your definition or your perception
Would probably not include, you know, me
Who I was--back then
And yet, um, I probably was
I mean I definitely was
I was talking to 80's starlets, for crying out loud
And they were trying to get me to injure myself
I mean, I never talked to Ally Sheedy
But still, all of that was--

--It wasn't good

I mean, it's funny
Looking back
It's pretty funny

I always had all these left-overs
And I just thought
Well, Molly doesn't have much of an appetite

But other than that
My life was fairly undisrupted

I wasn't a shut-in
I'd go on dates
And they'd go badly
And I'd come home
And watch tv with Molly
And, believe it or not, life was...okay

It only stopped being okay
When I realized how not okay it was

Ignorance, bliss, all that stuff
It's true, you know

And insanity is the best kind of ignorance

Now I take...things
I, uh, spent some time
In a place
Where I could...well, they said 'heal'
But I'm not sure what exactly was healing

I don't see Molly anymore
And it feels...

Haha...

Okay honestly
I don't see her
But I imagine her
And trust me
It is different

I picture her
Because I miss her
Because there used to be someone there
All the time
And now there's not
And even though that should make me feel better
It doesn't

Because given the choice between crazy and lonely
Knowing what I know now
I'd probably choose crazy

I don't know if choosing crazy
Makes you crazier or...something else

I don't know

There's a lot of things I don't know

But I do know that when I walk down the street now
And I see people
Random people
Strangers

I take a guess

I take a guess about who it is
They're going to see
When they get home