The Worst Nanny

Take what you're gonna take
And throw the rest
In the burn pile

Nothing's coming away
That hasn't been hosed
So anything you want to keep
Is going to wind up ruined anyway
But do what you feel you have to
To keep some semblance
Of your...former life

I was never allowed to have toys
As a child
So I can't sympathize
With whatever it is you're feeling
But I'm sure it's awful
And you're probably in some sort of
Emotional pain
And all I can offer you is the assurance
That life only brings more of the same

Except it won't
Because you're rich
So your deepest pain
Will never come close
To equalling
The sort of pain
A normal person feels

Perhaps that can be...comforting

At least you're not orphans
Not in the sense that you have dead parents anyway
In the sense of having guardians
Who are actually invested
In your well-being
Than you've been orphaned since birth
But in the traditional sense--no

So that's something

Once your parents have recovered
From this influenza
I'll return you to them

Until that point
You shall live with me
In the basement of a speakeasy
Where we shall read the Bible
Learn to fear Jesus
And practice crying silently
In our sleep

If you tell your parents
About any of this
I'll deny it
And they'll believe you
And keep me on anyway
Because you're such terrible children
Nobody wants to watch you

Your last governess was a former Nazi-sympathizer
And you sent her screaming for the hills

So trust me
I'm not going anywhere

Now throw your doll into the fire
And let's get going

Jesus is waiting