Ferris Bueller's Luck Runs Out

It started when I was nineteen
When I fell down a hole

One day I'm walking down the street
Talking to an invisible camera in front of me
About life and stuff
And then BAM!

Down a hole

I didn't die
But I did break both my legs
And had to be in casts for a few months
And I also lost a few teeth
So my charming smile was gone
And that was sort of the beginning of the end

After that, I got fat
And Sloan dumped me
Ironically, for Cameron
Who got a job
Working for the deputy mayor
Of New York

My luck pretty much ran out

I got a job at a downtown firm
And everyday the payroll department would say
I was taking sick days
When I wasn't

Plus, my phone never worked
So people would call looking for me
And I'd say--'Yes, I'm here'
And they'd say--'Hello?'
And I'd say--'Yes, I'm here'
And they'd say--'Mr. Bueller?'
And I'd say--'Yes.'
And they'd say--'Bueller?'
'Yes?'
'Bueller?'
'YES!'
'Bueller???'

Believe me, it gets old fast

One time during an acquisitions meeting
I stood up on the table
And started lip synching to
'Let's Twist Again'
Annnnd they fired me

Life pretty much just stopped
Being fun

I had to move in with my sister
Who opened a dance studio
And got a nosejob
And now nobody recognizes her
And meanwhile I have this weird vocal disorder
Where my voice keeps getting higher and higher
And I keep gaining weight
And the other day I tried talking to the invisible camera
In my shower
And I slipped and hit my head
And this dream that it was the 80's again
And Ali Sheedy was telling me
How cool I am

But then I woke up
And I'd broken my arm

Life goes by pretty fast
Until life starts to suck
And then it's pretty terrible

But I guess it could be worse

Well, it was nice talking to you
And thank you for visiting the Chicago Department of Motor Vehicles

Next!