Emo Boy at the Convention

I'm here to protest politics
All politics of all kinds
And shapes and whatever

Politicians are what's ruining the world
We don't even need politics
We just need love
And compassion

And also, the Shins
We all just need to listen to the Shins
And, like, really listen to them, you know?
Because they're really onto something

Or at least they were until my brother started listening to them
Once my brother listens to something
Whoever he's listening to
May as well kill themselves
Because my brother listens to Katy Perry
And not for the ironic value of it

I was like, 'Bryan, are you gay?'
And he's like, 'No, I just like Katy Perry'
And I was like, 'Can you at least be gay and like Katy Perry?'
And he was like, 'No'
And I just felt so betrayed

All the politicians here keep talking about stuff
And I'm all--snooze, yawn, who cares-who cares, you know?

And they don't let us ask questions
Because they know I'd ask really good ones
Like--'How are you going to make sure that the entire world goes vegan?'
Or--'How would you convince Coachella to run everything all the time everywhere?'
Or--'What do you think of "Striped Crocodile" because that's the name of my band?'

I'm so offended just being here
Because, like, my family's super poor
And so everybody keeps talking about being poor
Like fiscally poor

And how bad it is to be fiscally poor
And nobody's talking about the mentally poor
Which is what my family is

Like, my father is pretty much the stupidest person in the world
And nobody's doing anything to change that
And so why bother voting, you know?
I'm still not going to feel represented

And, like, is anybody trying to stop the band Train
From ruining the entire world
By pulling it into a black hole
Of suckedness?

Like, can't we declare a war on Train?

Like, we hate terrorists, right?
Well, they're pretty much audio terrorists
And they're, like, always attacking my ears
When I walk by my not-gay-brother's room
And I want to know when
Someone's going to, like, do something about that

Like, fire on them or something

I should join the Green party
I have no idea what they believe in or whatever
They just sound nice
And they never win any elections
And I can really identify with that

I'd run for President
But then I'd win
Because I'm awesome
And, like, what would I do then?

Being President sucks
Like, pretty much nobody's wanted to be President
Since, like, Taft

Presidenting is so over

Tsars are coming back

I should be a tsar

How do I do that?

When you find out, let me know

I have to go back to picketing

I forgot to write something on my placard
So I'm just letting people use their imaginations
And pick their own issues

Hey, it's a convention

There's plenty of stuff to be upset about