"Tim, I'm telling you, they make the best fudge brownies here."
"Yeah, but you have to wait in line."
"That's how you know they're the best. Where do you ever have to wait in line for brownies? Clearly, when people are willing to wait in line for something as trivial as a brownie, that means it's the best."
"Or that people are stupid."
"Of course people are stupid, but not lots of people. Lots of people aren't stupid."
"Oh, I disagree. I think most people are really, very stupid."
"But we're not stupid."
"Katelynn, it's two o'clock in the morning and we're standing in a very bad neighborhood waiting to spend twelve dollars on a brownie. I think it's safe to we're pretty stupid."
"It's fun! It's, like, edgy. Like, it's hip. Like, it's what hip people do."
"I'd rather be lame and in bed."
"You're getting old."
"I've always been this way."
"How nice for you that you used to be boring and now you're just old. You can now blame old age for your lack of personality."
"Have you tried these brownies before?"
"No, this is my first time. See? We're sharing something together. This is what friends do. They go on adventures."
"You think buying a brownie is an adventure? How am I the one with the boring personality?"
"It's the circumstances of buying the brownie. It's taking something mundane and making it exciting."
"So if the guy at the bakery I normally go to pulls a gun on me before he sells me my muffin, then suddenly I'm hip and trendy?"
"Never mind. You're impossible."
"How do you even know these are the best brownies if you haven't had one?"
"Providence Monthly said so. It was on their list of cool things to do in Providence."
"Really? What else was on the list? Get mugged near the Armory? Hit a pothole near the State House? Find parking downtown on a Friday night at eight?"
"I want to do the whole list. I want to experience the city. Jeremy never did anything fun with me. Now that I'm single, I am living--it--up."
"Jeremy didn't want to stay up until 2am eating twelve-dollar pastry items? No wonder you broke up with him. Who could tolerate that oppressive spirit?"
"You make fun, but you're always game for stuff like this. That's why we're friends."
"Oh, is that why I'm always outlast boyfriends?"
"Yes, because they all end up being awful, and somehow you manage to stay just a little bit less-than-awful."
"Less Than Awful was actually a band I played in throughout most of college."
"You know, I don't mean to complain--"
"Oh, but I wish you would."
"--But this line doesn't seem to move at all. I mean, do you think something went wrong on the, uh, I don't know, conveyor belt or something?"
"There's a conveyor belt?"
"I think I saw in the magazine that they do something special to the brownies. Like, there's an air machine or a special mixer or a deep freezer or something."
"An air machine? Are we buying a brownie or a spaceship?"
"Well, I mean, obviously, it's not just an ordinary brownie. Nobody would care if it was just an ordinary brownie."
"Katelynn, this line is ridiculous. Why don't we just go back to my apartment and I'll make you brownies."
"That's sweet, Tim, but I really want a brownie from here."
"But you don't even know if you'll like the brownie from here. You've had my brownies before. You like them. I crumble up the M&M's and--"
"I know, Tim. I know what you do to your brownies, and they're great, but I've never had these brownies, and I'm just--I'm curious, you know?"
"Oh."
"Like, I want to try new brownies."
"Right."
"Just to see."
"Gotcha."
"But I mean, you can go home if you feel--"
"And leave you here? No way."
"It's not a big deal. I don't mind."
"I don't mind either. I was just teasing you before. You know, we tease. It's fine. I'll stay."
"Okay."
. . . . .
"It just seems like you always prefer, like, the new stuff. Like, the stuff you've never had before, over the stuff you have had and have enjoyed, you know?"
"Um, I don't...?"
"Like, you've had my brownies, and you liked them. You like how I make my brownies. And you like them because I know you and I know what you like and so I make them a special way--for you. And so, for you to say you'd rather have these, like, hip and cool brownies just because they're new just seems sort of, I mean, I guess, I don't know, it kinda, hurts my feelings."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, first of all, what? Second of all, I like your brownies. I don't, I mean, and I'm not trying to be hurtful, because, you're like, my best friend, but I don't, you know, love your brownies. And it'd be nice to find brownies that I could, like, love, you know?"
"Well, maybe you do, actually, love them--"
"Um, I think I'd--"
"And maybe you just don't know that you love them, because you think love is this feeling that's greater than it actually is. Like, maybe it's, you know, being comforted by something as opposed to being, you know, excited or thrilled by it."
"Um, I definitely think love should be thrilling. At least in the beginning. At least a little bit."
"It's just funny that whenever you try something new, you end up hating it, and then asking me to make you stuff you know you'll like."
"Tim--"
"Like when Jeremy took you to that new age place where the hamburgers are made of ostrich--"
"Tim, I--"
"Or when Trevor took you to that pizza place where you put your own toppings on and you thought duck fat and pepperoni would go together--"
"It wasn't that--"
"Or when Scott took you to that Chinese place and he didn't know that you're allergic to nuts, because he only ever talked about himself, and so everything on the menu had nuts on it and you couldn't even eat anything or you would have died and then you were starving so you came over to my place and I made you--"
"Yeah, I know. I remember, okay?"
"I'm just sick of, like, cooking meals for you at 3am after you decide you don't like your 2am brownie."
. . . . .
"I didn't realize you--"
"Yeah, I kinda didn't either."
"Well, I won't--anymore. Do that, I mean. Go to you. Like, after I--like when I eat somewhere else. If I pick a place, I should eat whatever's there, even if it's covered in nuts and will make my lungs close up--"
"Katelynn--"
"I should eat it, and then not bother you if it's bad, because, you're right. I'm always choosing cool, hip food with some asshole over comfort food with my best friend, and you know what? There have never been consequences for that, because you're always up at 3am ready to make something for me, and that's wrong. I mean, that's really wrong."
"Well...I mean...you could just...choose to come over my house first, and like, have me make stuff for you and, you know, skip the whole hip and edgy thing altogether."
"I just...I'd just feel like I was missing out, you know? Like, even when I do it. Even when I actually do it. Go out and try stuff, I feel...I feel like it's too late. Like I always just miss the boat, you know? Or the bus, or--whatever. I always feel like there's something missing."
"Oh."
"I...ugh...God...this line is...why are we here?"
"I...you wanted--"
"Let's go."
"Go where? Is there, like, a thirty-five dollar donut somewhere we have to try?"
"No. I want to go home. Like, I mean, not home, but--your place. I'd like to go to your place."
"Oh, uh, okay, well...I don't have any butter so if we could--"
"Not for that. Not for, I mean, the brownies, I just--for you. I'd like to go there...for you."
"Oh."
. . . . .
"We were just talking in metaphors that whole time, right?"
"Yeah! Absolutely!"
"Oh, thank God. I was like--oh my God, what if he was actually talking about brownies that whole time?"
"Yeah, no, I was, um, talking about--"
"Us?"
"Us."
"Cool."
"Yeah."
"So?"
"Let's?"
"Yeah."
"Screw this brownie."
"Haha yeah, screw this."
"Although, to be honest, I am kind of curious about that air machine."
"Tim?"
"Yeah?"
"Quit while you're ahead."
"Yes, cupcake"
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