While You Watched

"I guess I'm a little confused."
"I watched."
"You watched?"
"Right."
"Okay."
"It just...I was there, and then...I watched."
"Uh, all right."
"Like, it happen.  I watched...it happen."
"And how did it happen with you there?"
"I don't know.  I guess they didn't care that I was there."
"And why didn't you just leave?"
"Well, I mean, I was--it was--"
"So you're basically telling me that you cheated?"
"Well, no, I'm not, because, I didn't--cheat.  I didn't, you know, participate.  I just...watched."
"How is that not cheating?"
"I think the question is how IS that cheating?"
"You watched two people--"
"Okay, but, I watch, you know...stuff...on the computer.  You know that."
"Yeah, but that's not the same thing."
"Ohhh, I disagree."
"I disagree with you disagreeing.  It's not the same thing.  You were there.  You could have--"
"But I didn't.  I didn't DO anything.  I just watched."
"So when I watch two people on the computer it's not the same thing as watching two people in person?"
"No.  Not the same thing at all.  That'd be like saying watching a movie is the same thing as going to see a Broadway show."
"It actually isn't all that different.  I mean you can't go onstage at a Broadway show and dance around with the actors."
"Yes, but you could.  The point is, you could.  It's different."
"So you think I would have...done stuff?"
"It's not even that.  It's not even that I think you would have--"
"Well then what is it?"
"It's that you've moved into some sort of...different...thing now.  You're like a--voyeur, or something."
"A voyeur?  I'm not a voyeur."
"Really?  You don't see how--"
"I wasn't watching them through a peephole in some back room."
"Oh my--"
"I wasn't standing behind a curtain or something."
"This is--"
"And it's not like I planned it.  I didn't plan any of it.  It just happened.  It was like a car accident!"
"So you're telling me you get off on car accidents?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Who said anything about...you know...what you just said?"
"You're telling me you didn't?"
"No, I wasn't going to--that would have been--I mean I was, you know...I could have...I was...interested in...what was happening, but I...No!  I couldn't do that.  THAT would have made me a, you know, voyeur, or whatever."
"So you just...watched?"
"Yes!"
"That's...weird."
"What?"
"It's weird."
"So you're mad because I sat there and--"
"No, I mean.  I don't know.  I'm less mad that you didn't--you know, but it also seems...odd."
"Why?"
"Because you just--I mean, you're telling me that you just watched while they--"
"Yeah."
"--And then it was done and...you just...left?"
"Well...yeah.  I kind of.  I mean, we talked for a little bit after--"
"You TALKED to them?"
"Yes."
"During?"
"Oh God, no!"
"But after?"
"Yes.  Yeah.  A little."
"What was it like a post-game commentary?"
"Oh Jesus--"
"Nice landing there.  A real winner."
"Can we not--"
"I don't understand any of this!"
"Look, something happened and it wasn't planned but I didn't at any point do anything that any normal person would think of as cheating and I wasn't even going to tell you about it but it seemed wrong not to--"
"It seemed wrong not to because it was wrong."
"How was it wrong?"
"It just was.  You should have left."
"I watch that kind of stuff all the time on the--"
"THIS IS DIFFERENT.  YOU WERE THERE!  You were in the room with it.  You participated--"
"I didn't--"
"You were present for a very intimate thing.  That's what bothers me.  You took part in something intimate.  It's not even that I feel like you cheated, I just feel like--it was wrong.  That's all.  It was wrong.  They never should have...Ugh!"
"Wait, they never should have?  What?  Let me watch?"
"Yes."
"So, wait, are you mad at me, or, like, mad at them?  That it happened?  That they let me...you know, watch?"
"I'm...I'm mad at the whole thing.  It never should have--I mean, how does that stuff even happen?"
"I don't know.  I honestly don't know."
"God."
"Sooo, what does this mean?  Like...for us?"
"Well...I mean, it's not like we're going to break up over this or anything."
"But you're mad?"
"Yes, I'm bad, but I mean, it's not like a--forever mad.  It's just...I just wish it hadn't happened.  I wish you had left when it started happening.  I'm a little worried about it happening again."
"Well, I really don't think it's going to happen again.  It's kind of a rare thing.  That's part of the reason why I stayed, because it's just...I mean, when does that ever happen?"
"I feel like you want me to say--'Yeah!  That's so cool!'"
"That's EXACTLY what I wanted you to say!"
"Well, I can't say that.  We're dating.  Even if I thought that, I wouldn't say it."
"But...do you think it?"
"No!"
"Okay."

. . . . .

"So, I mean, if it happens again, even though it probably won't, you have to get up and leave."
"Okay."
"And also, let's not talk about this again.  I mean, I appreciate you telling me, I do, and I--you know, it's not that I think you screwed up in a major way or anything, I just--"
"Got it.  Case closed."
"And also...Are you happy?  Like...with us?"
"God yeah.  Absolutely."
"Really, because--"
"What happened there had nothing to do with--"
"But like also the computer--"
"That's just--that's just something people do.  It doesn't reflect on--I love you.  Okay?  All that other stuff is just, you know, sex."
"Huh."
"What?"
"It's just--I know what you're saying, and I believe you, and I'm glad we're open, and honest, and it's all--great, but...saying 'it's just sex' is just--"
"What?"
"It's just that that's what people say when they talk about betrayal."
"Yeah, but I--"
"I know, but...it is."
"Right."
"It's just weird, you know?"
"Yeah."
"It's just really weird."