Returning the Burger

"Hi, welcome to Bro Burgers.  What's up, bro?"
"Um, hi."
"Can I interest you in our new bromance shake?"
"What's in a bromance shake?"
"Shake stuff."
"Oh, okay, well, I'm not really interested in that anyway.  I just want to return this burger."
"Certainly, bro.  What's wrong with it?"
"I wanted it with no cheese, and there's cheese on it."
"I shall immediately fire whoever made this burger for you."
"Uh, no, that's--I actually didn't get it at this exact location."
"Oh?"
"I got it at the Bro Burger across the highway.  It's just that I was on this side of the road by the time I realized the order had been messed up, so I figured you could just replace the burger for me."
"Oh, bro, you figured wrong."
"I--what?"
"I can't replace that burger.  I can't take any responsibility for that burger.  That burger is not of my kin."
"I realize it's not of your kin.  You're not a cow.  But you are a Bro Burger, and I got this at the Bro Burger right across the highway, so--"
"That Bro Burger is not my Bro Burger.  I know nothing of that Bro Burger."
"But it's right across the highway."
"It's a whole other world across that highway, bro.  They may have different ways and customs.  Ways and customs that are more lax when it comes to burger preparation and customer satisfaction."
"Don't all Bro Burgers have to follow the same protocols?"
"One would think so, bro, but some of my brethren are godless heathens who have strayed from the path of the righteous."
"Well, I don't know about that.  All they did was put cheese on a burger."
"Bro, all they did was spit in the face of everything Bro Burger stands for."
"As long as they don't spit in the bro shakes, I don't think--"
"You're going to have to travel to that mystical land--"
"Mystical land?  It's next to a Pizza Hut."
"--And settle this feud with them...bro-on-bro."
"Okay, first of all, that sounds really...awkward.  Second of all, I would go settle it with them, but I'd have to go down to the next exit, then go all the way up Route 18, and this is just much faster, so you can just make me a new burger with no cheese?  I'll even pay you for it."
"Don't back down from them, bro.  This is what they want.  They want to put cheese on your burger only to have you tell them it's okay and you'll just take it up with the nice Bro Burger across the highway.  But where does it stop?  Are you just going to sit there--"
"I'm standing."
"--And let them keep desecrating your burgers?"
"It's just cheese."
"It's not just cheese!"
"Is it, like, not cheese?  Is it like some sort of weird manufactured fast food cheese?"
"It's a symbol, bro."
"Oh, okay.  I was a little worried for a second there."
"It's a symbol of their flippancy.  First it's cheese, then it's extra pickles, then it's the heart of a fawn."
"Fawn heart?  You serve that here?"
"You've got to put a stop to this now.  Go to the next Exit, go up Route 18, kill two goats and let their blood pool around you and your sword--"
"Okay, this is starting to sound creepy--"
"--And them engage them in battle.  We here at Bro Burger will be with you, bro, I mean, like, in spirit and whatnot."
"I--but--ugh--never mind.  I'll go get something from Subway."
"You're letting them win, bro."
"Oh, I don't think anybody's a winner today--"
"If you insist."
"--Certainly not me."
"Have a bro-tastic day."
"Yeah, whatever."