A Woman with Short Hair

I see you noticed the short hair

Fantastic

Now, here's what I want you to do

I want you to ask yourself
Why a woman
Would cut her hair
This short?

Could be convenience, right?

Maybe I just don't have time
For the shampooing and conditioning
And the endless hours you spend
Waiting for it to try

Can you explain to me why men's hair
Dries faster than women's hair?
Even when it's the same length?

It's a mystery of the fucking Universe, Charles

How are those ropes?
Too tight?
I can loosen 'em if you want

I don't want you to be too uncomfortable
Until I'm ready for you to be uncomfortable
You get what I'm saying?

Now a little birdie told me
That when you heard there was a woman tracking you
You said you'd wait until she showed up
And then show her your dick
And that'd send her running for the hills

So here's my question for you, Charles
As I hold this very, very sharp knife--

Is your dick so damn small
That I would actually retreat in disgust
At the mere sight of it?

Because if so, I might as well untie you
I don't care if you fuck over the cartel
Walking around with a pecker that small
Is bound to make anybody do some stupid shit
I mean, why bother living, right?

But before you show me that little nubbin of yours
Let's address the elephant in the room

My hair

Couple things you should know--

I gave myself this haircut
I wanted it
I like it
And I think I look damn good
And that's backed up by the fact
That my husband can't keep his hands off me

See, men like you assume that women aren't pretty
Unless they have long hair
Like Disney princesses
And Italian film stars

So when you see a woman with hair like mine
You dismiss her
You think she's somehow less of a woman
Which means she's ten times less of a man, right?
So you don't give her a second thought

But what you should be thinking is this, Charles--

Why would a woman look at a perfectly good shoulder-length hairstyle
And say 'Fuck it' and then chop it off?

Here's the answer:

Because she just doesn't give a shit, Charles
And that makes her a dangerous person to screw around with

And the other thing you should be thinking is--

If she's willing to cut off her own hair
Just because she doesn't feel like dealing with it
What else is she willing to cut off?

I don't know if you were thinking that before, Charlie
But I bet you're thinking that now

So c'mon, undo your pants
And let's see how fast I run