- George, would you look at this?
- Irene, please, the game is on.
- George, I am seeing some startling things on this nanny cam.
- Irene, for the last time, all kids pick their noses. They'll grow out of it. Or they'll have big nostrils. Either way, it's not a catastrophe worthy of me not paying attention to the game right now.
- George, I have a pot on the stove. If you don't get over here and look at this right now, everything in that pot is going on your head.
- FINE!
. . . . .
- What am I looking at?
- Well, let's see, there's the kids, their toys, and--
- Is that a cat?
- Yes.
- Is...Is he wearing a hat?
- Yes.
- That's a really big cat.
- Yes, George.
- And he's standing upright like a--
- Yes, George.
- And the hat--
- YES, GEORGE.
- Wow. Should we call someone?
- George, a talking cat spent an afternoon with our children. Who exactly would we call?
- Well, why were they alone anyway?
- You got called into the office, and I had my knitting club.
- You couldn't take the kids with you to knitting club?
- They're not babies, George. They can spend a few hours on their own.
- You were drinking at knitting club, weren't you?
- George, what I do at my knitting club is none of your business. I don't ask what you do when you go to Boy Camp.
- It's called a Gentleman's Weekend, Irene. Not Boy Camp.
- It's not like I couldn't check up on them. That's why we have nanny cam.
- Yeah, some good it does us AFTER the fact. This cat could have eaten them and all we'd have is a film of it happening.
- Cats don't eat people, George.
- This doesn't look like a normal cat to me, Irene!
- It was raining! How much trouble could they possibly get into?
- Why didn't you lock the door?
- I did! The cat must have picked the lock!
- ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF?
- HE'S A GIANT CAT WITH A HAT ON! WHO KNOWS WHAT MAGIC HE CAN CONJURE!
. . . . .
- What were they doing when you left the house, Irene?
- They were just sitting. Sit, sit, sit, sitting.
- Did they look like they were enjoying themselves?
- Not one bit. I told them to play a board game or something, but you know how they are.
- Did Sally say--
- More like BORED games? Yes, yes, she did.
- I really don't like her sometimes.
- We said we'd stop saying that.
- Always wears that stupid bow in her--
- George.
- Fine.
. . . . .
- Irene, he's carrying an umbrella.
- I know George.
- Is that an ascot?
- It's just a--a what?
- Around his neck?
- I don't know. Be quiet, I never finished watching this.
. . . . .
- George, it looks like the fish is objecting to what's going on.
- He's such a prude.
- George!
- He is though. I'm sorry, I'm not siding with the cat, but the fish is an asshole.
- Well thank goodness he was there! Now I feel bad about flushing him this morning.
- What were we going to do? He was dead. It's not like we could stuff him.
- That fish loved me.
- How could you tell? He was a fish.
- That son-of-a-bitch! He's balancing the fish on his umbrella!
- Again, I'm not siding with the cat, but that is kind of impressive.
- He looks terrified!
- Well, Irene, maybe he should have thought of that before he tried raining on everybody's parade.
- Now he's standing on a ball with a cup on his hat and a book--
- You don't have to describe everything to me, Irene. We're both looking at the same thing.
- Where did he get a cake from?
- .......
- George, did you know we had cake?
- Uh...well...sometimes I...keep cake...in the...garage.
- What?
- Because you, you know, get mad--
- You're on a very specific diet, George!
- I'm a grown man, Irene!
- A grown man who hides cake in his own house!
- Is that my rake? Is he juggling my rake?
- Oh stop, George. It's just a rake. What is he going to? Break it? That cup he's juggling is from my grandmother's china set.
- Well, that won't break either, it's plastic.
- No, it's not.
- Irene, I know you love to think that set is worth so much money, but it's not. It's plastic. It's all plastic. That's why we don't use it. So you can keep up this little facade.
- Did you really get called into the office? Huh?
- Of course I did!
- If I find out you were sitting in the furniture store again--
- I told you, I don't do that anymore!
- --laying on the mattresses, pretending you're going to buy them--
- Oh my God.
- --leading on those poor sales people who think they're going to make commission.
- You're awful, Irene. You really are.
- WELL, HE FELL! Look at that! The cat fell! The fish landed in the pot. The pot I used earlier. Great, just great. No wonder my sister thought her tea tasted funny.
. . . . .
- George, what's in that box?
- I don't know, Irene, maybe if we keep watching we'll find out.
- Or maybe he'll put the kids in it and take off!
- The kids are upstairs sleeping, Irene. Spoiler alert: They lived.
- OH MY GOD!
- What are those things?
- Animals! He let wild animals loose in the house! Two of them!
- They're not animals, Irene. They look like your nephews.
- George!
- The one on the left looks like Scott. I'm sorry, but he does.
- They're identical, George.
- Fine, then they both look like Scott. What do you want from me?
- THEY'RE FLYING KITES!
- I don't even know how that's possible.
- I'm calling the police.
- I mean, there's no wind in the house.
- They're bumping into everything.
- Scientifically, that just shouldn't work.
- THAT'S MY NEW GOWN ON THAT KITE STRING!
- Hang on, look, the kids are going after them with the net.
- We have a net?
- In the garage, next to the cake.
- WHAT GOES ON IN THIS HOUSE WHEN I'M NOT HERE?
- Clearly, quite a bit.
- I think this was right when I was coming home. I don't know how I missed all this.
- Looks like the cat's leaving.
- Leaving a mess. That's what he's doing.
- How long did it take you to clean all that up?
- There wasn't anything when I--
- Wait, he's back.
- What is he doing on that weird car?
- It looks like he's...cleaning everything.
- He...Well, he seems to be doing a...a fairly thorough job.
- The place looks spotless.
- Wow, he got under the fridge. I can never--
- Look at the shine on those windows. I thought they looked extra-clear when I came home.
- And now he's gone.
- Well.
. . . . .
- Irene, should we, uh...
- You know, George, I think it's fine.
- I do too.
- I mean, he's just a cat.
- It's not like a burglar got in or anything.
- I'll have a talk with the kids about it.
- That sounds like a plan.
- At least he cleaned up.
- He certainly did.
- He cleaned everything, so--
- Everything got cleaned.
- And he kept the both of them occupied all day.
- And he cleaned.
. . . . .
- I wonder if the kids got his number?
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