We Were Not Always Home

We were not always home
Though we had a lovely house

We spent the better part of a year
Looking for it
That house
A place that would suit us
That would establish our identity

And then we found it
And furnished it
Made an offer, of course
Went through the usual business
But that was all red tape and paperwork

The fun part was filling it
With things, chairs, a lot of chairs
Chairs everywhere

And, we thought, one day
Some kids
Maybe more than 'some'

But

As is often the case
Plans amend
And we, uh, we found ourselves
Absent
From our home

It was so big, you see
So big and--

We did get pregnant--once
But...

People told us
Not to do the nursery
Until we were sure
But we were, you see
We were very...sure

I suppose, perhaps, our baby
Wasn't sure of us

Dinners became ceremonies
The dining room table grew three feet a day it seemed
Until we were so far away from each other
That to communicate, we'd have to shout from end of it
To the other
And eventually it just seemed...
The noise seemed inappropriate

The problem is that, in that frame of mind
So many things become noise
A whisper becomes a noise

Anything can give you a headache, a migraine
Make you start crying, sobbing
Make you pass out wherever you happen to be
In the bathroom on the second floor
Head on the cool tile

In the basement
Clutching a box labeled 'Baby Toys'
Fingernails digging into the cardboard

In the guest bedroom
With someone who was not one
Of the two of us

And...

...And

We keep meaning to sell the house
But we've put so much into it
And we don't just mean money either
Or restorations
Or those fucking chairs

We mean...

That we used to talk about this house
About what it could be
For us
And...

Despite everything
We're not ready
To let that go
Yet

We keep saying we'd like to be home more
We just...need a reason

We need to find something
That can bring us
Back home