About Your Stupid TV Show

Excuse me, sir
I'd like to talk to you
About your stupid tv show

It's not a long story
What I have to say
If you just have a minute

See, last spring
Everybody I knew got married
I mean, everyone

And, for some reason
This sent me into a depression
And I didn't think I was going to get out of it

You see, I'm prone to depression
And so, I guess, I'm also prone to getting out of it
But I didn't think I was going to get out this time

I don't know why
But this thing, this darkness
And it really was dark--it felt different

And different, when you get depressed
When you feel depressed
Well, different is bad

Different is godawful
And you don't want different
And this was a special sort of different

I stopped going to work
I stopped going out
I just wanted to fade away

I didn't want to kill myself
But that's only because I didn't want to go to the trouble
But I didn't want to exist anymore, that's true

And I went on Netflix
And I found your stupid tv show
All eight seasons of it

How you kept that piece of crap on the air for eight years is--
I mean, it astounds me
I mean, good for you, geez

But the thing is
Even with watching non-stop
Constantly, really, constantly

It took me all spring and most of summer
To get through all eight of those seasons
And the tv movie, and when I was done--

I was out of the darkness

Now, to be perfectly clear
I don't really think your show had anything to do with it
Aside from the fact that it was there

I wanted to talk to you
To tell you this story
Because I know you just hear a lot of people tell you that tv is crap

That what you do, is crap

And...it is

I mean, it can be

But, it also saved my life
Having something there
Some mindless thing to keep me away from myself for a few months

It saved me

And I wanted to thank you for that

I know you'd probably rather be doing War and Peace
Or Mad Men
Or Citizen Kane
But, honestly, I'm not sure I could have handled that
When I was at rock bottom

But your stupid little show?
That I could do

So thank you
And, you know...

Keep up the good work