"Friend" Doesn't Mean I Like You

No, Catie, no
It doesn't mean that at all
Jee-sus
I knew this would happen

I friended you because I friend everyone
I come in contact with
On a regular basis

It doesn't mean we're friends
'Friend' doesn't mean 'friend'
It just means
I'm aware of your presence

I acknowledge that you exist
I accept the fact that we have to live together
On the same planet

But you
Are not
My friend

I mean, you're not my enemy either
But even if you were, I wouldn't know it
Because it's not like there's an enemy button I could hit
So I could put you on some list or something

I'm just saying that in terms of actual friendship
You and I are--

I mean, I'm not saying it's never going to happen
Maybe next year, when we're juniors
And I take yoga as my elective
And I, like, learn how to love everyone
But for right now
You're just the weird girl who sits behind me
In English, Chem, and Pottery

By the way, thanks for making my pot for me
It was sort of obvious as a pot
I mean, it was clearly a pot
And the assignment was to be creative
And it was just, sort of, you know, a pot
I mean, it wasn't all that inspired
But thank you, you know, for doing that

I'd give you money
But I think if I do
That's like
Facilitating a crime
Or something
So I really can't

But that's why I friended you

As sort of, like, a consolation prize
Or whatever
Second place to actually being my friend

But you can't expect real sincere friendship
Just because you did somebody's assignment for them
Or all their Chem homework
And because you jumped into Talman's Pond freshman year
And pulled them out when they were going to drown
Because nobody told them how deep it was
And all they wanted was to show everybody how hot they looked
In their first two-piece

Real friendship is built on way more than that, Catie

So for now
We have a mutual understanding
Of our acquaintanceship
Signified by the bonds
Of social media

But that's it
Okay?

Sorry Catie
But that's as good
As you're going to get