Home is Where the Rocket Lands

Look, where we're going
People may not have three legs

And that's something we're going to have to--

I mean, I don't want to use the word 'accept'
'Tolerate'--I guess we're going to have to
Tolerate it, if that's the case

Who knows, maybe they'll have more than three legs
God, that would be freakish
But it's important that we don't stare
No matter how grotesque they are

Just remember to look them in the eyes
Make sure all five of your eyes
Look right into all five of theirs
So that they know you're not judging
Any of their deformed features

Not everyone in this Universe
Is as lucky as you are, Zernin

You take the fact that you have two noses for granted
But on some planets
People have to make due with just one

Now, that doesn't mean
That we need to be ashamed
About how WE look

Your father is thinking about putting on a hat
To hide his horns
And I said, 'Look, wherever we land
Is going to be our new home
So those people are just going to deal with the fact
That you have horns
And gils
And that you have to eat four times your body weight
Every hour

Live and let live, kids
Unless we land on a planet with Balgorians
In which case
Kill, cook, and swallow first
Then ask questions later

Mama doesn't trust those Balgorians
Nobody who keeps their ears under their tongues
Is going to be anything but trouble
Take my word for it

Well, we're just about to descend

Your father is looking for a cornfield
We can land on

People who live near corn are good people, children
That's what the traveler's guide says

Once we're down on the ground
Depart quickly and quietly
Since it's the middle of the night
Here on this planet

Then find a house
And peek through the windows
Until you hear screaming
That's the way they say hello this planet

Now, you can bring one or two friends
Back to the ship
For some experimenting

But only if they're really, really dumb
You can pick out the dumb ones
Because they don't have all their teeth
And their pants go up
Almost to their heads

Just remember that this time
We're staying for good
So when they're on the ship--be polite

Leave at least one kidney in the males
And don't shave the women
Unless you absolutely have to

After all
These are going to be
Our neighbors