Afghanistan

I promised Julio that my mom had a pool

And I told him it was a nice pool

And he busted my balls

And said 'What's the point of having a nice pool?'

You live in New England

What do you get?

Like two and a half months of summer?

He was from Miami

We got pools in Miami, he said

Real pools

Even the poor people got pools

Come visit me when we get home, I said

I'll show you my mom's pool

I'd been back for two weeks

When there was a knock on the door

This was--Jesus, three o'clock in the morning?

No kidding

Not that I slept

I didn't sleep

Still don't

I was up every night

But who shows up at somebody's house at three o'clock in the morning?

And it's not like my mom lives in a nice neighborhood

I mean, she's got a pool

But the house is dump

And the neighborhood sucks

She just had the pool

Because my brother went crazy one summer

And dug this pool in the backyard

Cemented it and everything

Then shot himself

When it was done

No fucking lie

I was six, I don't even really remember it

I never even talked about it

Not even with my mom

Not until I got to Afghanistan

And you talked about anything you could think of

Because all you did was talk

Anyway, uh, fuck, sorry

My brother

Like you care about my fucking brother

There was a knock on the door--

See, you can tell I'm not a story-teller

I got your all mixed up there with--

Uh--there was a knock, okay?

And I--

Yeah, I freak out a little

I grab a knife from the kitchen

A big knife

My mom doesn't wake up

She could sleep through elephants banging

I get the knife

I open the door

And there's Julio

Already got his bathing suit on

No fucking joke

And this big grin on his face

And he says--

'We going swimmin'?'

Fuckin' Julio man

So I take him swimmin'

I mean, what am I going to do?

Not take him swimming?

The crazy asshole drove all the way from Miami

DROVE

He got back home

Got into a fight with his stepdad

Gave the cocksucker a black eye

And then hopped in his old car

And started to drive

He had the address I gave him

And he just...drove

Told me he only stopped to piss

And eat pancakes

And I believed him

Even though Julio had a reputation

With the guys for being, you know

Full of shit

I liked him

I mean, I took a liking to him

He was younger than me

A kid, you know?

Nineteen

Only got to go home, because...

Look, not to be rude

But you don't need to know why he went home

Or why I went home

I mean, we're not here for that

Let's just say I'm twenty-four

And he's eighteen

And United States doesn't make it a habit

Of sending home nineteen and twenty-four year-olds

Unless they have a really good reason, so...

We were swimming in my pool

Well...he was swimming

I was just sitting on the edge

With my feet in, you know?

And he was swimming around

Having a ball

I told you my mother had a nice pool

Weird shape, though, you know

Because what did my cokehead brother know

About digging a pool?

Got this blob-shaped water-hole

In the backyard

And Julio's swimming around

From one side to the other

Then he comes up to me

Swims, right up to me

And like--

Goes between my legs

I'm like--Julio, what the fuck are you doing?

And then he laughs

And he's shivering

Because it's cold

It's almost morning

And it's cold out

The pool's cold

The water's cold

I mean, it feels okay

But it's cold

And he laughs

And his lips are blue

And I'm about to say--

You should get out

When he kisses my leg

The side of my leg

Like, my thigh

Sorry--my thigh

He kisses it

And I'm like--What the--

But then he kisses up a little further

And then I shove him

And when I shove him

I sort of force myself in the pool

And the next thing I know

I'm shoving him

And he's saying 'Wait, wait, man'

But I'm shoving him

And I'm holding him

Like shoving him and holding his head down

Under the water

And I don't mean to, but...

...And one time he comes up

And he's gasping

And I snap into it

Like, what I'm doing

And then...

I kiss him

I grab him

And I kiss him

And I hold his face

Like, hard in my hands

I mean I'm strong

And he's smaller than me

And it was easy

Pushing him around

And holding him underwater

And then kissing him

Making him kiss me

He was kissing me back, I mean

But, like, he'd try to pull away for air

He was still gasping from being held underwater

And I wouldn't let him go

I just...

I just wouldn't let him go

Finally, we broke

And he looked at me

And I kinda...

What the fuck, Julio?  What the fuck is your problem?

I don't think he even knew

What specific thing I was asking about, you know?

I didn't even know

He didn't say anything

He just got out of the pool

And then I got out of the pool

And I said--

'I think you should go'

And he said--'Yeah'

And he left

I don't know where he was going

Where he went to

I don't know if he had anywhere to go

But...

I couldn't have him there

My mom was going to wake up soon

And I...

I couldn't have Julio there, you know?

There's some shit I'm not telling you

I mean, of course right?

That's not a surprise, right?

But...

But what you think the story is?

It's not

Not even close

Sometimes when you think there's a story there

With a message

And a moral

And with good guys and bad guys

There's not

There's just two fucked up people

Trying to get themselves right

Or run away trying

That's what this was

That's all it was

Whatever you think?

You're wrong

About me

About Julio

About what happened before we came home

Or while we were there

Or how what happened in that pool

Ended up happening, it...

It's not what you think

I promise you

I can promise you that