A: Who made the decision?
B: It was a collective decision.
A: This isn't the fucking boy scouts, Daniels.
B: I'm aware.
A: So answer the question again.
B: You want me to say I made the decision?
A: I want you to answer the question.
B: Just me? With no intel?
A: Intel? Did you just say 'intel?'
B: I--
A: Where do you think you are? The West-Fucking-Wing?
B: Listen--
A: And not even the real West-Fucking-Wing, but the West-Fucking-Wing on some television show written by an asshole who's never actually been to the West-Fucking Wing.
B: I'm--
A: Fuck your intel. I'd eat your fucking intel and shit it out down your throat given the opportunity. And since it's still early in the morning, that's a distinct possibility. Now why you don't try just talking like a human fucking being.
B: Yes, I--Yes. Okay.
A: I have six dead kids on my hands. Do you realize that? Six! And do you know what the Head of the Bureau said to me today? Literally an hour before I came in here and sat down at this table across from James Fucking Bond--do you know what he said to me? He said twenty people are going to be fired for every kid that was killed. Twenty. All those agents out of a job. And there's a seventh kid in critical condition, so that could twenty more. We might have to clear out the entire department and start from scratch because of your fuck-up. Do you understand that? Do you get that? Does it even register with you how far up this went? I am probably going to lose my job just for knowing you. People whose names I'm not even allowed to know because they're so far out of my paygrade are going to be fired, but first, I'm going to take whatever pleasure I can in giving you a brand new asshole right in the center of your fucking forehead. And also, because we need to document this colossal dickslicking party run by a bunch of faggots--you being the head cockjockey. Now--who made the decision?
B: I made the decision.
A: And did you know there were children in the house?
B: Why don't you ask me what I was instructed to do?
A: Because your name tag doesn't say 'Question Asker' on it. It says 'Jizz Pony.' That's why.
B: I was told to get Urizar.
A: Preferably without having to kill six-year-olds.
B: I received my in--I was told there might be children in the house. I was given clearance to go in. I did my homework. I ran down the checklist and the chain of command. You--you, yourself--signed off on this. Don't blame me because you don't read your e-mail.
A: Do I detect...attitude...coming from you, Daniels?
B: Since I'm not going to have a job once we're done here and neither are you, I don't see the point in observing bureau etiquette, do you?
A: Well, in that case, let me put on my brass knuckles and give you the ass-kicking I've been dreaming of since I was woken up at three o'clock yesterday morning.
B: They had guns.
A: The drug soldiers? They had guns? This is a new development. We thought they were still using sticks and medium-sized rocks.
B: The kids. The six-year-olds. They--had guns.
(Pause.)
A: I read something about that in the, uh--uh--
B: The report I've been writing since three o'clock yesterday morning?
A: I--
B: I haven't slept. I haven't eaten. I'm not sure I've blinked since we entered that house. You gave me--
A: Whoa--
B: YOU or whoever--I don't really give a fuck--gave me half the team I asked for after making it very clear that my objective for the end of this month was to BRING IN Urizar, then turned around and gave me half the team I needed to do it. Please don't act as if I had some sort of choice as to whether or not I wanted to go in now. I had to go in now.
A: But once you found out--
B: What sort of reasonable, kind-hearted drug kingpins do you think we're dealing with here? You're asking if I would have cancelled the operation when I found out he had kids in the house? You know what? I might have--if I knew he was going to arm the kids and tell them to shoot at anything that came through the door or he was going to kill their mothers, who, by the way, happen to be prisoners--I think the word I want to use here is concubines--of Urizar. Meanwhile, while we were being fired upon by kids my daughter's age--Yes, I have a six-year-old daughter, and yes, I doubt I'll be able to look her in the face for quite some time without having a severe psychological reaction--he was going out through a tunnel he dug in his basement that's two miles long and that leads to an abandoned field where a car was waiting for him. And no, I didn't know about the tunnel. And no, I didn't know about the car or the field. Yes, I did know about the kids, but I assumed they would be in bed at two o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday. That was before I knew Urizar runs his house like the Sultan of Brunei. We had a layout of the house. There was a hole on the first floor that led to the tunnel. There is no basement. Maybe if there was a basement, I would have considered another exit, but there is no basement. There is no fucking basement. But we did have a lay-out that was otherwise correct. And there bedrooms, and there were reports of bunk beds being in those rooms, and toys--our surveillance captured children playing with toys in those rooms. So we had a plan--to get in the house, isolate the rooms with the children, get to Urizar, and never take out anybody but him and the five men we knew he'd have guarding him. Instead, the fucker took the five guards with him and left the kids guarding the door. Oh, and he killed their mothers anyway. Slit their throats. Just so they couldn't give us any information. We found them in his bedroom. At least they weren't alive to hear their kids get fired upon. Why wouldn't he just have the mothers guard the door? We're guessing it's because they might have surrendered. I think that's a pretty good guess. I'm also guessing he slit their throats instead of shooting them because then the kids would have heard the gunshots and knew there were no mothers left to save, and maybe they would have put down the guns and tried running out of the house or something. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We entered the house and the kids immediately began firing. They had good aim. Urizar must have had them trained. Somehow the idea of that disturbs me more than anything. That actual thought went into this. He must have known this day was coming. And I'm not speaking figuratively--I mean, he actually knew we were coming that night. Which means we have a mole in this department so it's probably for the best that we're emptying the whole thing out, wouldn't you say?
(Pause.)
B: That was an actual question--I wasn't just putting that out there.
A: I just needed an account of what happened.
B: We walked in, the kids fired on us, we fired back thinking they were adults. They were dead in seconds. Maybe not even seconds. Maybe one second. It all went by very fast. Very, very fast.
A: There is a basement.
B: What?
A: In the house. There is a basement.
B: Oh. You're right. Yes, there is. Sorry.
A: I think, uh...I think that's all we'll need for now.
B: Okay.
(Pause. Sound of chair moving. Papers being shuffled.)
B: That last kid is going to die. If he's dead already. In case you're wondering how many people are going to be fired. One forty.
A: ...Okay.
B: And the basement wasn't in the lay-out. I was right about that. But I lied about there not actually being a basement. I had a feeling though--I had a feeling you'd know if there was one or not. Just a feeling though.
A: I--
B: Huh. Maybe only one of us will be losing our jobs today.
(Sound of door opening--and closing.)
Woof!
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