Marilyn and the Acting Class

They want me to do
A sitcom

They'd like me to play
The grandmother, the...silly grandmother
Silly, but, you know, say sexy things sometimes
Get a laugh
That kinda thing

Hank, my agent, he's...pressuring me to take it
He says it's good work

Besides, he says, You're 87-years-old
What other work do you think you're going to get

I told him I'd like to play Lear before I die
A female Lear, wouldn't that be spectacular?

He says, 'Marilyn, who would go to see that?'
'Except,' he adds, 'For the novelty of it.'

Hank says these things, and I smile
So he doesn't know
How much they hurt my feelings

I'm used to having my feelings hurt though
Fifteen years ago, I got up the courage to teach my first acting class
It was a very small class
I only took about ten students
We were in New York
In one of those studios
Folding chairs, nothing fancy
I loved it

I thought--Well, this can be it
This can be my final act

Norma Jean, The Acting Teacher

I was looking forward to it

The first girl went up and did her monologue for me
I started to critique her
And after about a minute
She burst into tears
And ran out of the room
I didn't understand
What had I said?
Hadn't she wanted me to critique her?
Why else would she take the class?

'You intimidate her, Miss Monroe,' one of the other students said
'A casting director told her she needed to lose some weight
And she came here thinking you could give her some pointers'

'Pointers on what,' I asked, 'Dieting?'

'Well,' the boy continued, 'What else would you give her pointers on?
Certainly not acting?'

I could have mentioned a number of wonderful movies I was in
I could have said I was in The Seven Year Itch
I was in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
I've acted with Olivier
I've been directed by Billy Wilder, you awful boy
What do you know about acting?

You think I can't teach you acting?
Well, you're right, I can't
Because I'm not an actor
I'm an icon
And that's something you can't teach somebody
How to be

I thought all that, and then I thought
Jesus, Marilyn, you've gotten so mean in your old age
So I dismissed the class
And I called Hank
And told him I was done with teaching

He sounded so relieved
But I felt ashamed

Students quit classes
All the time
But how often
Do the teachers quit?

I was embarrassed for myself
For the students
For thinking I could be a teacher
That I could offer something
Other than tips on how to land all the wrong men
Advice on drinking too much
And living too fast
And not being smart enough to die fifty years ago
When people still gave a damn
And nobody would have dared to offer you a sitcom

...I'm going to take it, the sitcom

Not because I need the money
But because I like to work
No, that's not true
What's true is--I love it
It's the thing I love most
And, like most of my relationships
I'll take the love
However I can get it

You know, if I could go back and tell that girl something
I'd say, 'Eat, sweetie.  Gain a thousand pounds.  Eat until you explode.
Just don't ever let them call you pretty.
When you're not pretty
They'll let you do all sorts of things
Be all sorts of things
And they'll never try to hold you down
Or control you
Because they won't want to
Because there's only thing they really want from you
And if they don't want that
You're free--you're truly free

So go ahead, darling, gain all the weight in the world
And don't let anybody tell you that you can't

And while you're at it
Chop your hair off
Wear old clothes
Never use make-up, never

Because if you're good, you're good
And you don't need any of that stuff
And if you're no good
All the make-up in the world
Isn't going to make you an artist

But if they call you 'pretty'
That's it
You're done

Because pretty goes away
And then who are you?

Just somebody who used to be pretty
Just somebody who always used to give the people what they wanted
And somebody who doesn't have anything
Left to give'