All the Ones I Couldn't Save

'Cause some were loud
And some were wrong
And some had things
They didn't want to
Weren't ready to
Didn't feel like
Getting rid of
So I stuck
I stuck to them
And they teared and tore
To try and get away from me

Water pouring out of their mouths
The sight draining from their eyes
And all the while
Rocking back and forth
Asking for my help
Asking me to leave 'em alone
Asking for wisdom
Asking for one more
One more thing
To make 'em feel good again

I used to scream so loud
I'd tear my vocal cords out
Until finally I realized
I couldn't be as loud as them
Or what was inside them
I couldn't make that much noise

All the ones I couldn't save
I keep mementos of
In boxes
Underneath my bed

Things that hold the memories
When I can't hold them
Anymore

A music box
A piece of scrap metal
A poorly drawn picture
A love note
A half-burnt photograph
Anything that means anything

Gets saved

In place of the people
Who couldn't be

Sometimes I say their names
In order--and what they had

What they had
Attached to them

I do this while I'm washing dishes
And it becomes an invocation

It's like I'm bringing them back
So I can apologize to them
For failing at the simplest thing

'Cause loving somebody enough
Should be the easiest thing in the world

And yet I found it to be
So hard

I found it to be
Too hard
Too many
Times