The Tutor

Well, I am just so happy to hear
That Maxwell is doing better
In Geometry

That is such a relief

And, you know, honestly
A lot of the credit has to go to you

You have been the most amazing tutor
Between spending so much extra time with him
And doing those practice tests
And wearing that amazing perfume
That just smells like almonds and pineapple pulp--

I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm just so happy
About the geometry
All those triangles being--

Worked on
And figured out

And the rhombus!

I bet you taught Maxwell
How to do stuff to a rhombus

My God, you're a miracle worker

A kind, generous, busty miracle worker

I mean, trusty--trustworthy-y, is what I meant
And you are so--that

But you know, even though Max is going into Trigonometry next year
And I know you don't offer that
As part of your...services

(Haha wow, what a funny word
Makes you sound like a hooker
Which I'm sure you're not
Even though I bet you'd look amazing
In the boots)

I still think he has so much more to learn from you

Like...Spanish

Do you speak Spanish?
Maybe French?
Italian?

Can you type?
He's such a slow typer
It worries me

No?

Okay, uh...

You know what?

He's a really terrible driver
And I often watch you drive away from our house
From my window
While I, sort of, breathe out slowly
And you really seem to have the hang of it
Drive, I mean
So maybe you could, you know
Tutor him in that
Or something

Wait, don't go!

Tutor me!

I'm so stupid
I know nothing
I've never even read Persuasion
I don't even know if that's a book
Teach me to love learning
Teach me to garden
Teach me to act in a kabuki play

(That takes, like, a million years, right?)

No, please!

PLEASE!

If you want to tutor children
I'll have other children for you to tutor!
Dumber children
Who won't pick up things so fast

Just let me talk to my wife about it, okay?

OKAY?!?!

Well, Maxwell
She's gone

Yes, I see that 'A' on your report card son
And let me just say
I hope you're proud of yourself

Because I'm sure as hell not