Other People's Cars

While they played 'November Rain'
I was getting marks put on my neck
By a garage guru named Claude Thomas

He made you call him that
'Claude Thomas'--and he was a guru, I'm not kidding

He was the wisest person I ever met
And a terrible lover
And he could change your oil
While he dispensed wisdom
And did awkward things to your nipples

Sorry if I'm sharing too much
But this was the nineties
It was an entire decade
Of bad decisions

I dated people then
I wouldn't let valet my car now

That was part of the thrill

I'd look at a guy and think--

Wow, he looks damaged.

Remember when damaged
Was attractive?

I guess it still is
If you're young
And interested in knowing
What the San Diego police station is like
At three o'clock in the morning
On a Tuesday

Anyway, I was fooling around with Claude Thomas
The wise-yet-bad-in-bed mechanic
Which is sort of a misnomer
Because we never actually did stuff in a bed
We mostly hooked up
In other people's cars

And every time we did
He'd put 'November Rain'
In the tape deck

Which, now, today
Sounds ridiculously corny
And I'm totally aware of that
But--and I hesitate to say this
But I swear it's true--

At the time, it honestly seemed
To make this really unromantic situation
Seem incredibly romantic

Like, there were moments
When we'd be in the back
Of this jeep wrangler
And Claude Thomas would be, like, in ecstasy
Which meant he was quoting Sartre
And trying not to finish before I did
And 'November Rain' was playing
And I thought to myself--

And please keep in mind
I was young and stupid
But not any more stupid
Than your average young, stupid person

And still I thought--

'I should be with this man forever'

That's how effective 'November Rain' was on me
Back then

And--

And this is where I tell you
That this is not one of those stories
Where I tell you about some dumb guy I had sex with
And how I feel embarrassed about it now
Because I don't feel embarrassed
And this is not one of those stories

This is a story
About how great it is
How fucking great it is
To be young

And here's the proof:

I look back on that moment
That horribly cheesy moment
When I was having bad sex in a jeep
On a lift
In a garage
While Guns 'N Roses played in the background
And I still remember the entire thing
As being unbearably romantic

To this day
That song still makes me tear up

That's the beauty of being young

And it's okay that you don't appreciate it at the time
Because you're not supposed to

You're supposed to appreciate it later

When you think about it
And wonder why the hell
You still smile
When you do