Anymore

I don't get that
Shaking feeling
That
Original issue
That
Dollar store depression
That
Wondering if I should be
Somewhere other than where I am
Anymore

I don't fear that
Inescapable pressure to
Progress further than
My predecessors did
And if I
Skid to a stop too soon
Well, I
Just gotta grab onto the balloon
And see how high I can get
Before the bubble pops

And I stopped
Eating after ten
Drinking before Friday
Getting pink tattoos
Gluing myself
Then trying to get unglued
Propping myself up
With nothing but attitude
But I don't do that
Anymore

I don't go out
I don't stay in
I don't pretend
I don't begin

To start things I can't finish
Or diminish my capacity
By trying to be a better me
When I can't even master
Going faster as I am

I used to tell the time
Now I find myself
Trying too hard
To come up with
Casual rhymes

So I don't bother
Anymore

I'm not a cheater
I'm not a chump
I got dumped three days
Before we were ready
To move in my stuff

I sold all my shit
And said I was proud of myself
And lied the proud lies

Of a health-on-the-outside man
And a shitty-on-the-inside fool

I used to feel cool
But not
Anymore

Hard to get the glue off now
Hard to feel anything
But drenched in the past
And even that won't last

Hard to know
What it is
That I was

Anymore