Sassy Baby on the Monitor

Hello?

Hellllloooooo?

I know you two did not leave me in here
Alone by myself

I do not sleep in a room by myself
Like some sad little teddy bear

(I'm sorry, Smooches, but it's true
You live a life of desperation)

Hey!  I'm crying in here!

Somebody give me lots of attention
And maybe a jar of peaches

I cannot believe you even put me to bed

It is two o'clock in the morning
And I slept for ten minutes today
And ten minutes yesterday

I...am not...tired

I could bake a cake right now
If you'd just let me use the oven

I don't know why you're always trying to hold me back
Telling me 'no, this' and 'no, that'

No using kitchen appliances
No playing with strange animals
No getting a tattoo during the early development years

I feel like a prisoner in this house!

Are you doing that thing
Where you ignore me
Until I go to sleep?

Because let me tell you something

Let me let you in
On a little fact

I can stay up all night
And I will cry
Or making choking sounds
Or say words I'm not even supposed to know yet
Until you come into this room
And tell me how cute I am
And rock with me in the rocky chair
And feed me peaches
And tell me a story
And let me hold Smooches
And wait with me until the sun comes up

Because I'm sort of
Kinda
Not thrilled with
You know
The Dark

And before you say anything
Just let me inform you
That you're terrible at getting rid of monsters
Because the one in my closet
Is still hanging out
Eating my diapers
And telling me I can't stick my toes in my mouth

I keep saying 'Who are you to tell me I can't stick my toes in my mouth?'

If they weren't meant to go in my mouth
Why would they fit so perfectly inside there?

Honestly, everybody just wants to keep me down
And keep me quiet
And ruin my fun

I better not hear you sleeping

Because I'm the baby, here
And if I'm not sleeping

Nobody's sleeping