We Speak Modern English

We speak modern English
We dated Emilio Estevez
And Corey Feldman
And Corey Haim
And every Goonie
And all the guys from 'Stand By Me'
And Ally Sheedy, but I mean
Who didn't?

Who didn't date
Ally Sheedy?

Demi Moore was lost to us
Lost to us forever

So was Rob Lowe
We just held onto him longer

We lost Judd Nelson
But not all of Judd Nelson
And we still believe
That one day
We'll get him back

We confess to things
Constantly

We're very aware
Of our messages
Our moral messages
And we make sure
They can be solved
Whatever problems we have

We guarantee
They can be taken care of
In half an hour or less

Our parents don't understand us
Our teachers all over the age of a hundred
And nobody thinks about sex
Or has sex
But us

We don't engage in politics
We don't address the world at large
We don't wear clothing that fits us
Or dance in ways
That are comprehensible
To people
Who actually know
How to dance

And yet
We have more fun than they do

And this mystifies them

We speak modern English
And culture
And Culture Club

We have fun
And we know we shouldn't
Because things are going on around us

That are not fun
That will reveal themselves to be
Quite awful
At a later point in time

But for now
We get it

We understand it

We speak it

And it all
Makes sense