When Your Ears Get Hairy

Well, the good news is they're not hairy yet
My ears are still pretty smooth
So you don't have to push me off the roof tonight
But you know the deal

When the ears get hairy
It's time to go

There are many ways to determine
When you've outlived your usefulness

But I agree with my father
He said it's when your ears get hairy

As soon as my father saw hair on his ears
He took a boat onto Lake Pueblo Norova
Shot a hole in it
And went down with the ship, so to speak

I still remember him
Saluting me from the shore
While he sank down into the water
Like he was on some kinda
Weird lake elevator

I remember thinking--

I should play TAPS
But I didn't have a trumpet
And when I thought about humming it
I realized I didn't know the tune

So instead I just watched him
Admiring his spirit
That old stubborn bastard

My brother found hair on his ears
And walked into the fog

I'm not sure that he's dead
But he hasn't answered his phone in three years
So as far as I'm concerned
He might as well be

My uncle saw hair on his ear
And drove his car off a cliff

Turned out it was just lint
That's why you really have to be sure
About stuff like that
Before you go driving off cliffs

Never hurts to double check

But if you do spot a hair
You have to act fast

Once you find hair on your ears
Then you notice your toes are turning green
And next thing you know you can't do the word jumble
In the morning paper

I'm not going out like that
I'm dying with dignity

That's why I need you to push me off me the roof

And don't push me towards anything soft

I don't want to just break my leg or something
I want to go--BAM!

Just like that

But so far, no hair

So far, I'm still young

Just luck I guess

Lord knows it doesn't run in the family