The Penguin Room

"The thing about the room is--"
"Don't start."
"I'm just--"
"Don't start with me about the room."
"It's an entire room--"
"Don't stah-art."
"--filled with penguins."
"I love penguins."
"He loves them."
"Do you hear the disdain in his voice?  As if there aren't worse things to love.  Crack.  Cholesterol.  Coldplay."
"I love Coldplay."
"And do I criticize you?"
"Well, yes, you just did."
"What has Coldplay done for the world that penguins haven't?"
"I don't have an entire room in my apartment dedicated to Coldplay."
"God, what a bleak room that would be."
"We only have a two-bedroom apartment."
"Oh, here he goes--"
"And one of the bedrooms--"
"It's a tiny room.  I don't know how you'd fit a bed in it."
"--has been given over to penguins."
"It's practically a closet.  A closet with a window."
"Two windows."
"It's a nook, if anything."
"A penguin nook."
"It's a perfectly reasonable way of decorating a space."
"There is an entire wall dedicated to penguin shot glasses."
"They're whimsical."
"One of them has a seal eating a penguin."
"They're confrontational."
"We're not allowed to drink out of them."
"They're priceless."
"There's also the penguin chandelier."
"Nancy Reagan had one in the white house."
"No, she didn't."
"The certificate it comes with says she did."
"The certificate also calls the owner a 'Certified Penguin Poomba."
"I also have that on a badge."
"Then there are the stuffed animals..."
"A few stuffed animals--"
"Forty-seven penguins."
"Forty-five."
"Forty-seven."
"You can't count the triplets.  They're stuck together."
"The penguin music boxes--"
"One plays 'Black and White' by Michael Jackson.  It's a little literal for me, but I appreciate the thought."
"The penguin snow globes--"
"Well, that's just a necessity.  What else would you put in a snow globe?"
"Anything.  You can put anything in a snow globe."
"I'm sorry, but a penguin-less snow globe is just tacky."
"Whereas a snow globe with a penguin in it is a work of art."
"That's really all that's in the room."
"And?"
"And one or two other things."
"And?"
"Maybe one specific notable thing."
"And?"
"And...it's..."
"It's fortune-telling penguin machine."
"Like from the movie Big, except instead of a scary old woman, it's a penguin...and it tells your future."
"It's probably the most hideous thing that's ever been made in the history of the world."
"It's kitschy."
"It's also morbid."
"It's tongue-in-cheek."
"It told my sister she was going to die an old maid."
"It's eerily accurate."
"I would like the room back."
"Not gonna happen."
"We could use it as an office."
"Boring."
"A library."
"Pretentious."
"A home gym."
"Cliched."
"Or we could just leave it the way it is."
"I think someone's secretly fallen in love with the penguins."
"They haunt my dreams."
"That's how you know it's love."