Not If You're Leaving

"Hi, welcome to Staycation."
"Hi, do you need to see my ID?"
"No, I just need to know if you're staying."
"Uh, well, I was thinking of going to another bar around one.  My friends are at Flip so--"
"No, I mean, in the city."
"Oh, well, yeah.  I'm not leaving the city tonight."
"Uh huh, and in the next five years?"
"Uh...I'm not--"
"How about the next three years?  We'll accept plans for the next three years."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"We only allow people in who plan on staying within the city for the next three to five years."
"Uh, are you joking?"
"Not at all.  We find our patrons enjoy knowing that when they come here, they're not going to strike up a conversation with some wonderful person only to discover they're leaving in two weeks for Ontario."
"But you can't make that kind of a condition."
"Why not?"
"Because you can't.  Look, people move.  It's what they do."
"Not everybody.  Some people are perfectly happy staying where they are, and that's the sort of clientele we're interested in providing an atmosphere for."
"Okay, but what if someone says they're planning on staying, and then something comes up."
"Well, that's perfectly understandable.  But all I asked was--Do you plan on staying here?"
"I don't...know."
"Well, if you don't know, then you shouldn't be out trying to connect with people just so you can have a fling before you head off to--Greece, is it?"
"How did you--"
"I mean, it's really kind of wrong when you think about it."
"So I'm supposed to shut myself inside my house for two weeks until I leave?"
"So you are leaving?"
"I--"
"You should spend these last two weeks saying good-bye to old friends.  Not trying to make new ones."
"I'm not trying--"
"But that's what'll happen.  You know that, right?  Inevitably, you'll end up meeting someone great, and then you'll take off and make them feel like a jerk for being stuck here."
"That's not the plan."
"No, it's not the plan, but it's what will happen.  Isn't it funny how the people who are addicted to moving are also the ones addicted to making new relationships right before they take off?  It's the thrill, isn't it?"
"You know what?  I'll just go somewhere else."
"That's usually your m.o., isn't it?"
"I don't have an m.o.!  I don't even know what an m.o. is!"
"You should leave.  Go to Flip.  Go to Greece.  Go to the moon.  You just can't go here.  This is where you go if you're not leaving.  If you want to commit to being here."
"Yeah, and how many people can do that nowadays, huh?  How many people can commit to anything?  Do you have a lot of people in there?  Do you have a lot of people who are saying to themselves 'Yes, I want to be exactly where I am now in three to five years?  I mean, isn't movement good?  Doesn't it mean growth?  Doesn't it mean progress?  Ugh, it's like stupid Our Town."
"What do you mean?"
"Like, in Our Town, Emily dies--"
"Spoiler alert."
"Sorry, but seriously, it's Our Town.  Who doesn't know Our Town?"
"Anyway--"
"Anyway, she dies, and then she comes back as a ghost and is like--Oh wow!  I miss clocks!  I miss bacon!  It's the tragedy of life!  But the real tragedy is that she never WENT ANYWHERE!  She spent her whole life in Our Town!  I mean, how depressing is that?"
"Maybe she liked Our Town."
"It's a Thornton Wilder play!  Who wants to live in a Thornton Wilder play?  You might as well live in an episode of The Donna Reed Show!"
"Maybe she liked it because it was her home."

. . . . .

"Yeah, I mean...maybe."
"Some people like where they're from."
"Yeah, but...yeah."
"And that's who's inside.  Right now.  People like that."
"Well...well that sounds nice, but..."
"But?"
"I'm not one of those people."
"Oh."
"So, I guess I'll just stay out here then."
"You're not going somewhere else?"
"No, if it's okay with you, I'd like to hang out for a little bit.  Maybe someone from in there will come outside."
"Okay, but I don't--"
"I'd like to ask them what it's like.  What it's like in there."
"Oh."
"Can I do that?  Can I just...stay here for a little bit?"
"Sure."
"Thanks."
"No problem.  Make yourself right at home."