To Be Prepared

"Sir, we're calling about your insurance--"
"Yes?"
"You don't have any."
"Correct."
"You have to have insurance."
"Well, I have life insurance."
"We're talking about car insurance, sir."
"Oh right--that I don't have."
"Why not?"
"I don't need it."
"Sir, everyone needs car insurance."
"Wouldn't only people who get into accidents need car insurance?"
"Well--"
"In other words, bad drivers."
"Not necessarily, sir.  If someone were to hit you--"
"Then their insurance covers it, right?"
"Well--"
"So I'm set."
"Well, that person might not have insurance."
"Then they'd be in big trouble, wouldn't they?"
"But that person could be you, sir."
"No, it wouldn't.  I'm an excellent driver."
"Sir, that's not the point?"
"Shouldn't it be the point?"
"Sir, nobody is a perfect driver."
"I wouldn't say 'perfect,' but luckily you don't need to be perfect to avoid an accident."
"What if you were to skid on an icy road?"
"I avoid driving during the winter."
"What if a child ran in front of you and to avoid them you swerved and hit a pole?"
"I believe I'd be dead."
"You might not be."
"Well, then I'd have saved a small child.  I'm sure whatever damage to my car would be well worth that."
"What if--"
"Are you saying I shouldn't try to avoid hitting the child?"
"Of course not."
"Then I'm confused."
"Sir, it's a law.  You have to have insurance."
"You mean buy insurance."
"Well--"
"That's like making a law that says I have to buy bacon."
"Sir--"
"I'd like that law better.  I'm a big fan of bacon."
"Sir, it's to protect you."
"Protect me?"
"Your...health."
"I see."
"So--"
"Is there a law against cigarettes?"
"No."
"Alcohol?"
"No."
"Fatty foods?"
"Sir--"
"And yet--"
"Sir, if you were to hit someone--"
"I--"
"Humor me:  If you were to hit someone--"
"Then I would take care of that.  Of whatever money would be--"
"Sir, repairing vehicles can be very expensive, and that's not even considering bodily harm."
"I'm very rich.  I could afford it."
"Why not just afford insurance instead?"
"I believe the word is 'principle.'"
"Sir, it's illegal."
"So is speeding, but everyone does it."
"No, sir, everyone--"
"Do you?"
"What?"
"Do you speed?"
"No."
"Never?"
"Sir, this call is recorded."
"So you do speed?"
"No, I don't speed."
"Do you smoke?"
"Sir--"
"Do you drink?"
"I smell alcohol."
"Sir, you can't smell that over the phone."
"I was referring to my breath.  I can smell alcohol on my breath.  I've been drinking."
"Sir, I wouldn't drive."
"I can't drive."
"Of course not, you've been drinking."
"No, I can't drive, because I sold my car."
"You--what?"
"I sold my car.  I don't plan on driving anymore.  I moved to the city.  I use mass transit."
"Sir, why didn't you just say that at the beginning of the call?"
"Do you work for the insurance company?"
"Yes."
"There's your answer.  Have a great day."