Pressure

The pressure was too much
That's what he did for me
First of all

He removed the pressure

Like, when somebody has a head injury
And they have to drain the fluid to--

Yeah, you get it
The pressure

Anyway, he did that
Because there was always this...

They send me off--

My parents, I mean
They send me off
To this really nice school
And I'm supposed to--

You know, become the dream
Not just achieve the dream
But become it

Achieve success nirvana

And I was kind of doing it
I mean, I wasn't even close
But I was on a path at least
I was on some kind of path
And then I met Chris
And it was like--

He was the first person
To ever tell me
To stop, you know?

To just stop?

And at first I resisted him
And then I was like--

Okay, you know what?

I'm doing it
I'm going to stop

Just for a little while, you know?
Just a little vacation
Because, you know
I'd never had a vacation
Never, not really
I used to go on vacations
And bring my textbooks
And sit by a pool
Writing essays
And everybody was so proud
My family

They were so thrilled
That I was incapable
Of relaxation
They used to always almost-applaud me
Like being stressed out
Was some kind of magic trick
That I had mastered

So I meet him
And he says stop
And I stop
And...

I get pregnant

And she's...

When she's born she's...

Because he was on stuff, you know
And then, after awhile
So was I

And I know to stop when you're--

But I didn't know I was--

Not until it--

I stopped too late

And so she was born
Addicted to all the shit
We were addicted to

And I had to go back home with her
And tell my parents
That the dream was dead

That it was fucking dead

It would not be had
It would not be achieved
It would not be realized
By me

Or by my daughter
Because she was...

And they asked--

Why did you do it?

Why did you throw it all away?

And I wanted to say
And I didn't
But I wanted to say--

I threw it away
Because it was too much

Because it was too much

To carry