While We Wonder About Our Wives

We get beers and beer nuts
And whatever else
Will compliment our beer
And we sit
And chat
And shoot the shit
And chew our gum
'Fuck this, fuck that'
Play twenty questions
While we wonder about our wives

We chain smoke
Tell cheap jokes
Take potshots at each other
Compare notes on our cars
Our jobs
Our kids
Our porn
Tomorrow, today
How'd it all go
And we wonder about our wives

One got a tit job
One got a face lift
One just quit smoking
One thinks she's fifteen
One won't give head anymore
One won't do anything anymore
One's probably cheating, and so is the other
And you know, it makes you wonder

We arm wrestle
Play fight
But not really
Underlying aggression
Working itself out
In our playful jabs
While we wonder about our wives

'I'd fuck your wife.'
'Haha, dude, I wouldn't fuck yours.'
'You'd fuck my wife.'
'Dude, I wouldn't touch your wife.'
'You'd fuck her.'
'Not on your life, dude.'

We regret not doing drugs
We regret not getting more tattoos
We regret not buying a bike
We regret having kids
We regret our wives

Our wives and our lives
We regret the whole fucking shebang

While we wonder about our wives
We get more and more drunk

We lose our keys
We call cabs to take us home
So our wives won't find out
How drunk we got

We'll sneak into our homes
The homes our wives left two months ago

Took the kids
Took the tv
Poured the last inch of vodka
Down the last mile of sink

Down the drain

And we know that
But the other guy doesn't

We get in bed
Into our respective beds
Across this respectful town
And we put our arm out
Across nothing
Across a dirty sheet

And we wonder--

We wonder...

We wonder where our wives are--

Now