Charlie and the Drug Dealer

I spent most of high school
Dealing

As you can tell from my appearance
I'm not what most people would expect
The average drug dealer to look like

That's what helped make me
An above average drug dealer

I used to use the sophomores
To do the deliveries
And the freshmen were my best customers

A lot of kids got expelled because of me
But I put enough bodies between myself and everybody else
So that nobody could touch me

Mr. Stamp was the only one
Who ever came after me directly

I made the mistake of selling to his daughter
And he didn't like that

He shoved me up against a locker
After school one day
And told me that I'd better watch myself

'Why Mr. Stamp,' I said, 'Are you threatening a student?'

He didn't scare me

Nobody with any brains in their head
Ends up teaching high school

'Mr. Stamp,' I said, 'If your daughter has a drug problem, it's her responsibility to take care of it.  Not mine.  Have a great day.'

I remember thinking to myself
That the old guy didn't know
Who he was messing with

I made a few stops on my way home
And when I walked up to my house
My mom came running down the front steps
Asking me if I'd seen my sister

'What do you mean have I seen her?  She's only six.  Where could she be?'

She'd gone out to play in the front yard
And nobody had seen her for a few hours

My mom had called the police
And went around to every house in the neighborhood
But nobody could find her

I sat down on the front lawn
And thought about all the people who had a vendetta against me
Everybody I'd gotten thrown out of school
Or arrested

I always figured somebody would come after me
But I never thought they'd attack my family

Just when I was getting ready to go to the police station
And give out the names of everybody I do business with
A car pulled up, and my sister hopped out of it
With an ice cream cone

She came running up to me
And gave me a big hug
And told me the nice man
Had taken her for ice cream
And sorry she didn't tell anybody

Then she ran in the house
And I could hear my mother scream with relief

I looked at the car
And there was Mr. Stamp
Sitting in the driver's seat

When I saw the look on his face
I got the message, loud and clear

Don't fuck with me, little boy

I won't tell you I stopped dealing after that
Because I didn't
But I did try to keep my business separate from school

When I got to college
I put together a dating website
And made a few millions

Hey, business is business