Charlie's Trainer

Charlie trained with me
In between marriages

Not unusual for a guy
To want to make himself appealing
When a woman's moved on to some other guy

Especially when that other guy
Is the first guy's brother

When Charlie told me about that
The first thing I thought was--

Crunches

He's gotta do crunches

Until he has a six pack
This guy is never going to recover
From that kind of betrayal

Once we started working on his body
I noticed a real change in Charlie

Again, not unusual

Heal the body
Heal the mind
Heal the soul

I have that tattooed
All the way down my back

It's the secret of life

That and go for a woman
With a nice ass
Who doesn't speak English

I can't say Charlie and I
Really connected
In terms of personality

He was a little too womp womp for me
And I was a little too--

Well, a little too 'real man' for him
I guess you would say

People don't pay me
To hold their hand
And kiss their tears away

They pay me to rip them apart
And build something new
From the fat-covered ashes

That's what I tried to do with Charlie
But he was, well, he was willful

He'd skip workouts
And I'd drive to his house
To find him lying on the floor
Surrounded by empty girl scout cookie boxes

It was pitiful

I'd get him to shed some pounds
And then he'd welcome them back
Like prodigal sons

I couldn't understand
What was wrong with him

I said to him--'Charlie, is it your wife still?  Is that it?  Screw the bitch.  Give yourself to me--to this program--and you can have anybody you want.  Heal the body, heal the mind, heal the soul.'

Charlie said--'It's not about her anymore.  I didn't realize how much of it was never about her.'

That's when I got scared

Once you start working your own psychology into your fitness routine
You're going nowhere
And you're going there fast

Still I stuck around
Cleaned up the girl scout cookie crumbs off the floor
And only made Charlie run eight miles
Before I told him to find a quiet place
To examine his life
Like a pussy

(I didn't say that last part out loud, just under my breath)

A week later
He came into the gym
And told me he met someone
And that he was very happy

'But Charlie,' I said, 'What about all that stuff you're still dealing with?'

And he said, and I remember this
Because, it was kinda--
Well, it was--
He said--

'What am I supposed to do while I'm dealing with it?'

He said--'I'm lonely.  What am I supposed to do?'

That was the last time I saw Charlie

I went running that day
After work

I ran to the bridge
A few miles from my house
And just stopped

Stopped and sat
Let my legs hang down
Looked into the water
From way up high

It was a...

I got my own shit, you know?
Shit I deal with

And it never occurred to me
That I should do something else
While I deal with it

That I should take life off pause
Stop running on treadmills
And in laps
And actually run towards something

It never occurred to me
That I was lonely

But I was

I really was

I didn't go off the bridge
I'm no quitter

But I did scale back my hours at the gym
And started doing some more meditation

I met a really nice yoga teacher
That I ended up dating
And two years later
We were married

I wrote a fitness book
Gained some weight
And now me and the wife
Own a gluten-free bakery

My body isn't what it was
And I realized my mind was never exactly what you'd call sharp
But my soul?

Man, my soul is full

It is full and fantastic

And that's because of what Charlie said

Screw the crunches
Get to living

Maybe I'll get that
Tattooed somewhere