Charlie the Chaperone

Charlie, uh, Mr. Stamp, and I
Used to chaperone the school dances together

I liked chaperoning with Mr. Stamp
Because he'd get really into it
The same way I do

Most teachers just stand around
And make sure none of the kids
Are removing their clothing
On the dance floor

But we would go all out

For Homecoming, we'd dress in the school colors
For the Octoberfest dance, we'd wear overalls and straw hats
For Valentine's Day, we'd both wear all red heart stickers with our names on them

And of course we'd dance
Not together, because he was married
And I was always seeing one boyfriend or another
But we'd just, you know, dance around
Have fun, that sort of thing

Chaperones dancing
Is not exactly encouraged
But since we were the only two
Who volunteered to chaperone
Dance after dance after dance
I think they figured it was better
To let us do it our own way

And the kids loved it

Seeing two teachers
Having as much fun as they were

I remember when we had to teach them the Electric Slide

Can you believe we've reached a point in history
Where teenagers do not know how to do
The Electric Slide?

Tragic--utterly tragic

Things were great up until Charlie's divorce
The first divorce
Then he didn't chaperone as much
And even when he remarried
He wasn't really the same

He just didn't have that...spark
Anymore

And by the second divorce
He just gave up chaperoning altogether
And of course, by then he was drinking
So...

Well, I don't really think it's my place
To talk about the drinking

I'd still offer to chaperone
And the school would always coerce
Some poor new teacher
Into doing it with me
But it wasn't the same

Being dressed up like a giant bunny
For the Easter dance
Is fine when there's somebody standing next to you
Dressed like a giant egg
But when it's just you...

Well, it looks a little odd

I'd see Mr. Stamp in the hallways
And we'd talk, just make small talk, you know
But it was--

Well, it was a little bit like we were broken up
Like the thing that held us together
Had been shattered
And there was just no repairing it

It was awkward, to say the least

You know it's funny

I never got married

I was single until the day I died

No boyfriend even
Not after a certain age
I just couldn't be bothered

I looked at what happened to Charlie and I thought--

You know, everybody tells you
That you have to share your life with somebody
And then you find somebody to do it with
And they change, or they cheat
Or they they leave you

Sometimes they just leave

And then you're confused and upset
Because you did what you were supposed to do
You connected with someone
And somehow you still wound up alone

I connected with Charlie
I really did

And it ended up the same way
Most of my relationships did
With me standing up against a wall by myself
Watching other people dance

God, that's morbid, isn't it?

Well here, I don't want to leave you with a morbid thought
Not since today should be a celebration
Of this wonderful man

This really, genuinely good person

Oh sure, he had his--

But the point is, he was a good man

Not without faults, who is?

But still, a good man

Anyway, a good memory
A good closing thought
Well--

We were chaperoning the prom, the junior prom
And it was being held at this really nice, upscale country club
And there was this balcony
That looked out onto this lake

So they start playing the last song of the night
And it's a slow song
It's U2--'With or Without You'

And Charlie and I sneak outside
And he says to me--

'I never went to my prom'

And I said--'Neither did I.'

And I didn't
I didn't go to either of them
I wasn't lying

I wasn't very social as a--

Anyway, Charlie asked me if I wanted to dance
And I think this was before all the divorces
So he was married, and again, I had a--

But it was so innocent
And so silly
And so--

So, we danced

We danced out there on the balcony

And it was...a really beautiful moment

The song played
And we danced
And for a second, I didn't feel like a chaperone

I felt like...

One of the kids