Charlie on the Cape

"He and his wife were on this sort of second honeymoon."
"We were on our third."
"Our what?"
"Our third--honeymoon.  On the Cape.  We always go to the Cape."
"Oh, well that's not important."
"It might be.  They might find it--"
"It's not important."
"They might find it interesting."
"This isn't called 'That Couple's Funeral'--it's called 'Charlie's Funeral.'  Us being on whatever honeymoon we were on doesn't pertain."
"It adds color."
"It doesn't pertain."
"Well, fine."
"So we were in the Cape.  And it was miserable."
"It rained."
"That's why it was miserable."
"So now it doesn't pertain that it rained?"
"It's redundant."
"Just because it's miserable doesn't mean it rained.  It's miserable now and it isn't raining."
"It just doesn't matter."
"I'm going to sit here and not talk at all."
"You can talk just so long as you stop saying stupid stuff."
"I better just stop talking."
"So it was miserable, and we're trapped in this little motel--"
"Hotel.  Do you know how much I paid a night for that--"
"--hotel room doing nothing but driving each other crazy."
"One of us was driving more than the other."
"So I say, let's have that couple from next door come over and keep us company."
"I'm surprised she's admitting it was her idea."
"We only met them because somebody has to introduce himself to everybody he sees."
"It's polite."
"I keep asking him when he plans on running for King."
"I keep telling her you don't run for King.  You run for President."
"What am I a Social Studies teacher?"
"So they come over--"
"So they come over and it's all very pleasant until somebody busts out the champagne we were going to take the beach with us."
"I knew somehow it was going to be my fault."
"Well, two drinks in, and already Charlie's yapping away."
"I remember a few people yapping."
"Yapping and yapping--"
"One other person in particular."
"And his wife is getting irritated."
"I get quiet when I drink."
"You get pouty."
"Same thing."
"Not the same thing."
"Neither is rain and misery."
"So Charlie's wife is getting ticked off--"
"Now marriage and misery--those might be synograms--'
"Nyms."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"What'd I say?"
"Charlie's wife gets mad and they start fighting."
"They're going at it right in front of us in this little hotel--"
"Motel."
"--room."
"It was actually a step beneath a motel."
"It was very uncomfortable."
"It was more of a motor lodge."
"It was like we were watching Who's Afraid of Virginia's Wolf?"
"You don't really think that's the title, do you?"
"So finally she storms out."
"And Charlie goes right out after her into the rain."
"I said 'You're going to ruin those shoes!'"
"It would have been romantic if he wasn't so drunk."
"Those were expensive shoes."
"He came back to his room an hour later, but we didn't hear her come in."
"She came back about two hours later.  Don't ask me where she went."
"Poor thing."
"They were quiet.  And then we heard someone get in bed."
"Then we heard her go in the bathroom."
"Somebody was listening at the--"
"I was concerned."
"She was crying."
"Her, not me."
"And then I told her to stop being a snoop and get in bed."
"Then he found another glass so he could listen in too, and that's what we did for the rest of the night."
"I felt bad for Charlie."
"Charlie?  Why Charlie?  Because he ruined the shoes chasing down his humiliated wife who chose potential death-by-catching-cold-in-the-rain rather than spend another minute with him?"
"No.  I felt bad because he sort of reminded me of me in some ways."
"In what ways?  You don't drink that much."
"In some ways."
"What ways?"
"It doesn't matter."
"But what--"
"I said, it doesn't matter.  All right?"
"Yeah, all right."
"Besides, it's got nothing to do with Charlie.  Right?"
"Right.  You're right."
"I just felt bad, that's all."
"Okay."
"That's all."