Charlie's Weather Man

Charlie showed up at the station
One day
Looking, well, unwashed

It's not the first time
We've had irate viewers show up
To yell at me
But he seemed more intense
Than your average bridezilla
Angry that it was going to rain
During her outdoor wedding

I gave him my normal speech
Saying--

I am just a weather man
The weather is unpredictable
I am only human
Please don't hit me in the face.

Charlie then asked if I would sit down with him for a minute

He explained that he was going through a rough divorce
And that he was trying to do something for his daughter
Since she wasn't taking things well

Apparently, she's fascinated by the weather
Like some kids are
And he wanted to know
If I could bring her on the air with me
To do the weather report

I was going to tell him that if I did that for his daughter
I would have to do it for everyone's daughter
But having gone through a divorce myself
Where my wife took everything but my cufflinks
And one of my balls
I said 'Sure'

So Charlie brought his daughter down to the station
And I brought her on-camera
And she helped me do the weather
And you could tell she was just thrilled

Afterwards she gave Charlie a big hug
And said 'I love you, Daddy'
And I was happy I made that possible

Afterwards Charlie invited me to go out to eat with him
After he dropped his daughter off
And I said sure
And we're sitting at our table
When some guy comes up to me
And tells me to learn to do my damn job better

I was going to let it go
But Charlie stood up
And told the guy that the weather's only human
And people are unpredictable

(I think he'd had a few at that point)

He and the guy get into a shouting match
And then I forget who
But somebody throws a punch
And the next thing I know
I'm in the middle of a brawl
Right there in TGIFriday's

When my boss found out about it
I got reprimanded, but I didn't lose my job
Thank God

It was the first time in my life
Anybody's ever stood up for me like that
And I appreciated it

Now look, I'm not here to defend Charlie
Because it strikes me
That he was the kind of guy
Who wanted to defend himself
Or not have anybody defend him at all

I'm here because I'm sure you've heard
He was a lousy husband
And a lousy father and all that

Well coming from a guy
Who's been called those things
I can tell you that Charlie actually had it right
When he said the weather is human
And people are unpredictable

Weather can be vindictive, sensitive, melodramatic, and downright sucky
But you live with it
The same way you learn to live with people

I don't like people who curse the weather
Because it's not the nature of weather
To be perfect
And it's the same way with people

People are unpredictable

Everybody's always so disappointed
When someone doesn't turn out to be
Anything less than a saint

Well, I'll tell you what

Saints go unappreciated

My father was a saint
And people walked all over him

Sometimes people rain on you
Just so you'll look up
And notice they're there

My record as a father and a husband
Is spottier than my record as a weatherman
And I still think I'm pretty decent at doing all three

The guy showed up at a newstation
And asked if his daughter could do the weather
Just because he knew
It would make her smile

So what I'm saying is--Cut him a break

Nobody's sunny all the time