Charlie's Bad Habit

Charlie and I met in the drugstore

I was looking at that aisle
Where they have the stuff
That helps you quit smoking

I looked at Charlie
He looked at me

'You trying to quit smoking,' I asked
'Yeah,' he said, 'You?'
'Yeah,' I said

Then we went outside
And had a smoke

I asked him when he started
And he said two years ago

He looked to be in his thirties
So I said--

'Divorce?'
'Second time,' he said

I said--'I started smoking after my first divorce.  If got divorced again, I think I'd take up running over ex-husbands with my car.'

Charlie laughed
And then we parted ways

I'd see him in the drugstore
Every week after that

We'd meet in the aisle
Look at the stuff
That's supposed to make you
Quit smoking

Patches
And fake cigarettes
And gum
And hypnosis
And miracles

None of them work

We'd stand there for a second
Thinking about what our cure might be
Then we'd go outside and smoke

Then one day

--You're going to die when you hear this

I quit

I up and quit
Do you believe it?

What happened was
I got locked in my bathroom
When husband was leaving the house for work
And he knocked the broom I was using to clean
Up against the doorknob

I didn't realize it until he was gone
And he didn't come back until later that night

It was sort of a forced rehab

I remember laying in the tub
Looking at my fingers
Wishing they were cigarettes
So I could smoke 'em

Then I realized that this was the day
I usually meet up with Charlie in the drugstore

Oh God, I thought, he's going to think that I quit

He's going to think I've abandoned him

Then, funnily enough
When my husband got back
And opened the door
I saw the pack of cigarettes lying on the kitchen table
And I threw them out

I figured if I could go a few hours
What was a day
Or two days
Or a week?

Oh, I won't say I didn't have cravings

I won't say I didn't miss smoking

I won't say I didn't cut my husband's hair off while he was sleeping
To satisfy the unexplained rage in my heart

But once I'm done with something I'm done
And I was done with smoking

A couple of months later
I was in the drugstore
Buying soda
And I saw Charlie in the same aisle

'Hey,' I said, 'You trying to quit Ginger Ale now, too?'

I guess he'd gone with the patch
And it had done the trick
But he still looked like hell

'Sometimes,' he said, 'I feel like I just switch out one addiction for another.'

I told him that whenever I want to smoke
I knit instead
That's how I wound up with thirty-eight pairs of socks

Then I wished him well
Bought my soda
And headed home to my newly bald husband

When I heard Charlie died
I took the one lone cigarette
I put at the back of my cupboard
For a special occasion
And I lit it up
In his honor

And it was...

Divine