Charlie's First Wife

When the doctor told me I had cancer
My first thought was--

It's because of what I did to Charlie

My mother told me
When I was growing up
That when you do bad things to people
Bad things happen to you

It didn't have much of an affect

I still cheated on anyone I ever dated
I still got together with the wrong people 
I never met a mess I didn't want to wrap myself up in like a blanket

I dated Charlie's friend in college
And then one day I looked at Charlie
And said--That would be fun

And I didn't mean Charlie
I didn't mean he'd be fun
I meant--seeing if I could break up a friendship

That would be fun

Because I'd have to be good
To break up a friendship, wouldn't I?

I mean, I'd really have to be something

And I needed to know that back then

I needed to know
That I was really something

Plus Charlie's friend was kind of a dick
So I wasn't too broken up about it

Then Charlie and I got together
And he was...

You know how sometimes good guys are boring?

Well, that was him

A good guy
A boring guy
My husband

And his brother was--his brother was good
But in a different way

A no-nonsense way

An Indiana Jones kind of way

And I started feeling myself drawn to him

I started...

Charlie wanted kids
And he thought we were having trouble conceiving
But I had gone on the pill
Because I knew if I had a kid...

Then one day
I'm at the house
And Charlie's at work
And his brother shows up
To fix the sink
Because it broke

And I thought--

I thought
Goddamit
My husband can't even fix the damn sink

And that was it

He saw me
His brother
He saw me looking at him
And...

That was it

Charlie and I get divorced
He hates me
His family's ruined
And I'm something

I'm really something

And his brother
He knew how to make me feel like something

Love me just a little bit, you know?

Not enough to ever make me feel comfortable
Not even when we had a kid

Always kept me a few feet away
And I loved it
I ate it up

Then he gets sick
And I get sick
And when he dies
I'm stuck with nobody

My kid's away at school
And I'm thinking--

It's my fault.  It's what my mother said.  It's what I did to Charlie.

Then who comes around to save the day?

Charlie

Couldn't fix a sink
But drove me to the doctor's office
Everyday

Listened to me bitch and moan
About how tired I was
Everyday

Rubbed my back
When I threw up
After the doctor said...

After he said no point

'No point,' he said

Can you believe it?

Can you believe a doctor would say that?

Well, he did

No point

And I thought--

Now I'm something

Now I'm really something

I'm an old woman
With nobody but my poor ex-husband
Holding my hand
Crying for me
Telling me about miracles

And I said, 'Charlie, only good people get miracles'

About a week before I died
I asked Charlie to forgive me
And he got all upset
Saying it was years and years ago
And why was I apologizing
Like it'd happened yesterday?

I said, 'Charlie, everything happens yesterday.  It's all yesterday.  And the rough stuff--the screw-ups--those feel like they're happening all the time.'

He gave me a kiss on my forehead
And told me I was crazy

When I died, Charlie was there
And my kid maybe too
I don't remember

Sounds awful, but I don't

I just remember Charlie

He chased me down to the grave, you know?

Chased me down for my love
And I couldn't even give it to him
Not even at the end

At the end
I realized I spent my whole life
Trying to give it to people
Who didn't want it

And isn't that all of us, huh?

Isn't that what we all do?

Chase, and chase, and chase

Feel like we're alive if we're moving I guess
So we move and we chase and we wind up alone
But some of us don't

Some of us wind up
With Charlie
Saying 'Yeah'

Answering us

When we say 'Forgive me, Charlie'
He says 'Yeah'
Then we say 'Wasn't I something, Charlie?  Wasn't I?'

And Charlie says--'Yeah'

'Yeah, you were'