Charlie at the Theater

Charlie came to see a show I was in
In New York

I don't remember the name of the show
Because it was very bad

I remember that it was mostly in Spanish
And I forgot to learn Spanish
Before I started rehearsing the show
So I used to just cry a lot
And the critics said that I was very moving

Critics love a good European accent

If you have a Spanish accent, everything sounds sensual
If you have a British accent, everything sounds intelligent
And if you have a German accent
People are afraid of you
And turned on
At the same time

That's why I've never lost my accent

After the show, I was catching a cab
And Charlie was standing on the sidewalk
And he smiled at me
So naturally
I assumed he was interested
In having sexual relations with me

Then he congratulated me
On my performance

'You certainly cried a lot,' he said

And I agreed with him
Because I did cry an awful lot
Especially on Wednesdays
When the audiences were a little duller than usual

He asked if he could buy me a drink
And I said--

'You can buy me several'

And so we went and got drinks
And we chatted
About how when he was in high school
He wanted to be an actor
But he was terrible at it

I said I never went to high school
Because I was raised by gypsies

And he laughed
Because he thought I was kidding

At the end of the night
I offered to take him back to my room
But he declined
Because he was a gentleman
A real one, very rare

He kissed my hand
And disappeared into the night
Like a character from a play

I liked Charlie
I liked him very much

Perhaps you were hoping for a better story
Or a few tears

But when a memory is as precious as that one
You don't want
To overdo it