Charlie in Disney World

I met Charlie in Disney World
On Space Mountain

He was sitting by himself
Looking kind of bleh
So I asked if I could sit next to him
And he said 'Sure'

Somebody's hat had blown off onto the tracks
So we had to wait for about ten minutes
Until they could find where it was
And start the ride up again

I asked Charlie if he was here by himself
And he said he was on a family trip
But that the rest of his family
Wasn't into rollercoasters

'I'm not really either,' I said

He told me that every year his high school
Goes to an amusement park
And he rides the roller coaster
With this girl who's terrified of them
But keeps asking him to go with her

'Why does she do that if she's so scared,' I asked

He said he doesn't know

'Why do you keep going on it with her,' I asked

He shrugged and said--

'It's cool that somebody needs me'

It didn't seem like Charlie was having a good time
On his vacation
So I taught him the trick
To make any ride more fun

'You yell out vague sexual comments,' I said

He didn't get what I was talking about
But before I could explain it to him
The ride started up again
So I figured I'd just have to show him

As soon as the ride made its first plunge I yelled out--

'Oh tiger, release me from thy cage!'

Charlie started laughing
Like really laughing

And the cool thing about laughing on a roller coaster

--And most people don't know this, because who really laughs on a roller coaster?--

But the cool thing about laughing on a roller coaster
Is that you're already kind of out of breath anyway
So you get all light headed
And then you start laughing
And it's a little bit like you're high on something

So I kept screaming out stuff like--

'Put the lasagna back in the oven!  I want it hot!'

And--

'Garnish me!  I'm ungarnished!'

After our third plunge, Charlie got into it
Yelling--

'I am but your naughty poet!  Show me your sestina!'

I think the Japanese tourists behind us
Were permanently traumatized

After that ride was over
I kept taking Charlie on all the other ones too
So we could keep playing the game

I won't say that it was appropriate
On all of them

Let's just say Mr. Toad's Wild Ride
Was a little more wild that day

And I think we might be the first people in history
To yell out--'It's sooo big'
On the 'It's a Small World' ride

At the end of the day
Charlie had to meet up with his family
At Cinderella's Castle

As soon as he saw them
All the fun just went right out of his eyes

His whole body just slumped down
Like a scarecrow without the stuffing

I gave him a big hug
And my address back home in North Carolina
But I never did hear from him again

The rest of the trip
All I kept thinking about
Was that ride on Space Mountain

And how if that hat hadn't landed on the tracks
I never would have even talked to Charlie

Funny how a small thing like a hat
Can derail a whole ride, isn't it?

How something so small
Can just about ruin everything