Charlie's Dad

The last time I saw my son
He was in high school

I'm sure you have an opinion
About guys who leave their families
To run off and start other families

Just so we're clear
I'm not interested in your opinions
About me

That's one of the benefits
Of being dead

Other people's opinions
Sort of roll
Right off your back

So no, I don't care about your opinion

You asked me here
To talk about Charlie

So that's what I'm going to do
Talk about Charlie

When my son was younger
He was quiet
Very quiet
And obviously disturbed

You know how some kids
Are just fucked up
Right from the get go?

That was Charlie

He couldn't play sports, which is--

That's--

I don't really give a shit

I mean, I did give a shit
Because I'm a guy
I want my kid
To be able to at least
Bounce a basketball
Or hit a baseball
Or kick a friggin' kickball

Something

You know?

You know what's happening right now
In this room?

The guys are all agreeing with me in their heads
And the women all think I'm an asshole
Or maybe some of the guys think I'm an asshole
Because they're tree huggers or closet cases
And maybe the women think I'm right
Because their daddies touched them when they were little
And so they want their men hard and insensitive

I don't really give a shit
What's going on in your heads
But that's just my way of telling you
To shut the fuck up
And listen to what I have to say
About my kid

Did you hear that part?

My kid

And I'm supposed to share a story
So here's my story

The day I left
I had told my wife
That I was leaving

I was leaving because my wife was a fucking bitch
And Charlie was a disappointment
And the only person in the family I got along with
Was my other son
But one out of three
Isn't enough to keep you around
When you're miserable

So I told my wife
That I was going

Then I went into my younger son's room
And told him

I gave him a phone number
He could reach me at
And told him that he was going to have to be
The man of the house now
Because Charlie sure as hell wouldn't be up for the challenge

I really hadn't planned on saying good-bye to Charlie
Because we weren't close
So why pretend like me leaving
Was going to be some big tragedy for him?

I knew he'd probably be relieved

One less set of expectations
To live up to

Then when I was leaving him
I saw him sitting out in my car
Right in the passenger seat

So I threw my bags in the trunk
Got in the driver's seat
And told Charlie to get out

I said it nicely
But I said it

I said, 'Charlie, you gotta get out of the car'

I thought he was going to start crying
Tell me not to go
Tell me to give him a chance
To do something right
For once in his life

I thought he was going to beg me to stay

And then he said--

'I'm keeping the car'

I thought I heard him wrong
I said--'What?'

And he said--

'I don't give a shit if you don't leave.  I stopped trying to get you to love me a long time ago, and I sure as hell don't love you as a father or anything else, but I love this car, and I'm keeping it.  You haven't given me a damn thing my whole life, so you're going to give me this car.  You wanna walk, then you're going to walk.  You're sure as hell not going to drive.  So you can get out of the car, Dad.'

And I got out of the car

That was the day I was proudest of my son
If you want the truth

That was the only day
I ever felt like
He had a spine

When I got out of the car
And I grabbed my bags
And I started walking
I did what you're not supposed to do

I looked back

I looked back and saw him sitting in that car
Watching me go

And I felt proud of him
And I didn't feel too proud of myself

And that's as much of an apology
As I'm ever going to give

I bet he turned out okay

If I had to bet

I bet he turned out good
Once I left

So maybe I was the problem all those years

Who knows, right?

Who the fuck knows?