Charlie and the Rules of Recovery

I met Charlie
My first day in the program

Right away
I knew I was in trouble

Because Charlie--

I don't know if anybody told you, but--

He had a great face

A body you can work on
And sculpt
And bulk up
But a good face...

That's something you can't fake

Charlie had a great face

I should have just stayed away from him
But I'm no good at staying away from things

That's how I wound up in the program
In the first place

My boyfriend drank
Amongst other things
And he got me into some things
And then he got locked up

Part of me thought
That maybe he got me into all that stuff
So that if he ever did leave
I wouldn't be able to forget him

If that was the case
Then it worked

Because I holed up in our apartment
Until my sister found me
And beat my ass

Told me if I didn't get my shit together
She'd tell my father

And if you knew my father
You'd know what kinda threat that was

So I got clean
And I got in the program
And I met Charlie
And I fell for him

And when I fell for him
I wanted to use again
Isn't that crazy?

Isn't that wild?

'Cause I knew he was a good boy
Who followed the rules
And did what he was supposed to do
And that pissed me off
And made me love him even more

Thinking about what it would be
To have a good guy love me
Was like thinking about
Winning the lottery

Just didn't seem reasonable

Then one day
I ask Charlie
If he wants to come over to my place
And watch a movie
And he says 'Okay'

So he comes over
And I...

Haha...

I, uh, I made a move

You know?

Yeah, I did

I made a move

I'll admit it

And he was very nice
And he took my hand
Which was--somewhere
And he put it...

...Somewhere else

And that was it

That was that

I was humiliated

I never went back
Not to the same meetings anyway

Started dating a real asshole

Not an addidct
Not a drinker
But just your run of the mill asshole

I'm not going to say if Charlie had let things happen
That it would have been different
Probably would have been even worse
Than me winding up with a guy
Who has me change the flat tires
And scrub the floors
On the same day

Who knows, right?

Charlie liked rules
He needed them

That's how you succeed in life
You learn the rules
And you love them

You don't just follow them
You love them

And I couldn't

I couldn't do that

So when my boyfriend got pissed on our anniversary
At this very nice restaurant
And went to the bar
And ordered a drink
And came back
And slammed it on the table
And looked at me
And said 'Drink'

I drank

And as soon as I did it
I thought...

Charlie would be disappointed in me

But you know, as I get older
I think about Charlie
And I think

You know, I think...

He'd be disappointed in a lot of things

I never saw him again
After that night at my place

But I'm guessing
'Cause of how much he loved rules
And doing what was right
And people who do what's right
And things happening the way they should

Well...

I bet his life
Was just full
Of disappointment