Charlie Goes Speed Dating

I met Charlie at speed dating

This thing
Where you go to a bar
And you rotate

Like, different guys
Come to your table
And you talk to them
And if you like each other
Then you mark it down on this card
And if your cards match
Somebody calls you later
And tells you
That you had a match

On a scale of social discomfort
I'd say it's somewhere between
A blind date
And finding out your father
Is your uncle

My friend dragged me to it
And the first guy I got was Charlie

I asked him one question

Only one, because by the time he was done answering me
The bell rang and--

Oh, sorry
I should tell you the question
I'm not a storyteller
By any means

I'm a broker

The only successful dates I go on
Are with Japanese business men
Go figure

Anyway, the question was--

And this was just a simple question--

The question was--

What do you do for a living?

And he started talking about how he's a teacher
And I was going to say 'Oh, that's nice'
But then he mentioned how he wants to be a writer
But he used to fix computers
But he teaches computers and writing now
But he doesn't get to do much of either for himself anymore
But he might start again

And then the bell rang
And he had to move along
And to be honest
I was glad

A simple--'I teach' would have sufficed

In my line of work
I don't have time
For a lot of chitchat
And Charlie seemed like
He'd be a lot of chitchat

So the next guy comes along to sit
And before he can even start talking
Charlie's back at the table
Telling me how he's sorry
He took so long to answer the question
And what do I do for a living?

I told him the bell rang
And now we have to move

'We have to move on with our lives, Charlie'

That's what I said to him

And he looked heartbroken
But he moved on
So the next winner
Could tell me
About his mint condition
Tarzan doll collection

God, I thought, I should have let Charlie stay

And guess what?

Be careful what you wish for!

As soon as the bell rang
I got a new guy
And Charlie was right behind him

Saying how he doesn't date much
Because he's twice divorce
And a recovering alcoholic
And his first wife married his brother
And his second wife hates him
And so does his daughter
And I said--

'Charlie, I have to talk to this guy!'

And then I see that the new guy
Is wearing a necklace
Made out of what look like teeth
And I'm about to just walk out
When the bell rings again

Charlie doesn't even move this time
He just stays where he is
And keeps talking to me
While some guy in a Grand Theft Auto t-shirt
With the words 'Slap Dem Bitches' on the back of it
Waits patiently to speak to me

Finally, I tell Charlie
That I'm not interested
And will he please just leave me alone

He walks away
And this time he stays away
While I get to know two Mama's boys
A former convict
And a guy who described himself
As 'really into jelly'

A few nights later
I was at home
Realizing
That if I had checked 'Interested'
Next to any of the guys' names
I would be getting a phone call

But instead the phone just sat there
And I just sat there
And thought about Charlie

And even though, to this day
I think it was totally reasonable
That I told him to get lost

I don't know

I still can't help but think
Maybe of all of them
He was the one
That might have been worth
A second chance