And Johanna Wins Awards

Other actresses are working
Or choosing not to work
Or reading scripts
For new projects
Directed by people
You're not supposed to want to work with

People whose movies
Involve women in bikinis
And explosions
And wise-cracking robots

Other actresses will be working
With these people next year
And grace the covers of magazines
And eat small salads at nice restaurants
With people who can create futures
The way old women can make quilts

And Johanna wins awards
For a movie nobody wants to see
But everybody keeps applauding

For a tough, cancer movie
Where there's no background music
The camerawork is shakey
And Johanna not only shows her vagina
But has one of those 'looking-in-the-mirror-at-your-cancer-ridden-naked-body-including-your-vagina' scenes that will defeat even Holocaust movies
At just about any awards show

Johanna wins awards
And people go to the bathroom

Johanna wins awards
And ratings plummet
Because people in Idaho
Do not know
Who she is

Johanna wins awards
And nobody is surprised
And nobody hates her
Because she's not popular enough
To hate

Johanna gets offered theater work
While all the other nominees in her category
Get offered more films

Even the old legend
Who often appears
In the little box
Next to Johanna's little box
Right before the name is announced
And all the other little boxes aside from Johanna's
Produce a soft smile and a polite clap clap clap

Even that old legend
Clap clap clapping
Is enjoying a mild comeback
And can now transition into playing
Grandmothers
And people who die of old age

Meanwhile, Johanna has the awards

So many awards

Awards she didn't even know existed

Awards from foreign counties
And various cities
And their film critics

Awards from magazines
From associations
From gay people
Because her cancer-ridden character in the movie
Just happens to be a lesbian

Awards that look like astronauts
And monkeys
And dinner plates
And one that resembles
A Norwegian troll

The awards enthusiasts comment
On the categories
Where a surprise win
Is actually possible

And Johanna wins awards

Her dresses are always too simple
To make it on either the best or worst list

Her interviews are always too boring
To make the highlight reel
On the entertainment shows

Her movie is too damn sad
To enjoy a bounce at the box office
Due to its nomination

Its one nomination

For Johanna

One nomination means she's usually alone at these shows

No co-stars
No director
No writer

Just her
Representing the little film
She's growing less and less fond of
With each passing show

That same old clip
Of her final words
To her adopted daughter
Being shown over and over again
And immediately after
The reaction shot

A shot of her reacting
To her own performance

It was almost cruel

Johanna goes to the last awards show
And, ironically, does not win

She loses to Living Legend
Who can now die in real life
Not just on screen

She feels herself sort of...smile
At the fact that she's lost
And that she's not only lost
But lost the Big One
So to speak

The one she's not supposed to lose

And yet she does

They must have gotten sick of me, she thinks

No surprise there
She's even gotten sick of herself

She goes back to her hotel room
The one she's been staying at
Holed up in
While award season
Was in full swing

She'll check out tomorrow
And take a plane
Back to the house in Massachusetts

Consider the theater offers
Read a few scripts
And drink copious amounts
Of tea
Like some sort of elderly British detective

Back at the hotel
Her awards are on every flat surface
Of the room

Her agent's even had the ones from out-of-state
Shipped in
As if he felt the entire family
Should be together
For this momentous night
Not realizing it wouldn't be all that momentous
After all

She takes the awards off the tables
And the countertops
And the nighstand in the bedroom
And she lines them up
From shortest to tallest
In the living room

Then she creates a circle
A big circle
Whee they are the outer
And she is the inner

She sits down
Cross-legged
In the middle
Of all this praise

And she feels like she's playing some wild game
Of duck-duck-goose
With a bunch of dwarfish statues

Then she lies down
And closes her eyes

Feeling somehow protected
And somehow foolish
And somehow adorable
All at the same time

Across town
The other four women
Released from their boxes
Are dancing
And drinking
And crying
And firing people
And fucking
And not fucking
And driving around poetically

And Johanna's sleeping soundly
On a lovely hotel carpet
While her awards stand guard over her
And practice smiling
For the camera