In Romeo and Juliet
At the Orpheus Theater
And I was all sort of—
Ahhh!
You know?
Because I’m—what?
God, uh—
Hang on, let me look at myself
Because I came here in the body
That I had when I was—
Oh
Right, right
I was eighteen
Still in high school
A senior
Because I had one of those early
birthdays
And anyway, I’m so excited
And thinking—
Who knows, you know?
This may turn into something bigger
for me!
Maybe they’ll ask me to join the
acting company
I mean, when you’re eighteen
Living here
That’s like—
It’s like winning the lottery
You’re just—
You’re just set for life!
And then I get there, you know
For the first day of rehearsal
And everybody
I mean, every single person there
Hates me
Hates
My
Guts
I don’t know why
Because I have this lead role?
Because I’m, you know, this fresh
young talent
And most of those people
Were old
And bitter
And drunk
And, just, you know—
Piles of…ass?
I don’t know!
I just know they made my life a
living hell
That acting company
Is full
Of nothing
But asspiles
Every night when the time came to
kill myself
I’d go—
God, if only I could do this for
real
The kid playing Romeo was nice
though
Gay, but, you know, like that’s a
shocker
I went off to college
I got a degree in biology
I never even found out where the
theater department WAS
And, I mean, I won’t say that whole
experience
Was the sole reason
I gave up acting
But, it sure didn’t help, you know?
Not one bit
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