It's Only A Play

I used to have my dedication

To the theater questioned

All the time

I mean, all the time

God help you

If you call acting a job

You get your head chewed off

And everybody starts talking about sacrifice

About what they sacrificed

And because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice anything

Everybody talked to me

Like I was this awful actress

Who would forever be limited

By her lack of commitment

To the craft

Ugh, I hate that word

The craft

As if we’re making oak dressers

Or something

It’s a job, you know?

I did my job

I did it well

I just wasn’t willing to let the rest of my life go to hell

Because of it

I mean, if I wanted that

I would have become a lawyer

Or a doctor

And made more money

If I was going to sacrifice

It wouldn’t be for a play, you know?

 A part in a play?

That—once it’s over

Nobody even remembers

Ten years later?

For that I was supposed to give up having kids

Or a successful marriage

Or sobriety

Or my mind, you know?

I mean, these are compromises people made

So they could, in their own minds

Be believable onstage

Make-believe, I mean

We’re talking

Make-believe

Well, that wasn’t for me

But that doesn’t make me a bad actress

Sometimes, working at the Orpheus

Was like being in the Twilight Zone

A place where being punctual

And easy to work with

And prepared

Meant nothing

Better to be an asshole

Who throws temper tantrums

And shows up drunk to rehearsal

Because those people are showing passion

Yeah, well, screw that

In 1994, we were doing It’s Only a Play

And at one point

Half the cast was going onstage

Either high or drunk

Or both

That’s passion?

That’s love for what you do?

A long time ago

Somebody fed this entire acting company

A line of bullshit

That said acting is pain

And theater is suffering

And art kicks the shit out of you

Well, they were wrong

Acting is technique

And practice

And patience

And focus

Just like anything else in life

The minute you start saying acting and theater

Are different from the way the rest of the world works

All you’re doing is giving credence to those people

Who say what we do

Doesn’t have value

Because how could it

When we fail to take it seriously, you know?

I treated it like a job

Because it was

Did I love it?

Did I love my job?

Yes

But more than my kids?

My husband?

Hell, my dog?

No

I didn’t

Am I supposed to feel bad about that?

Because I don’t

Because when I die

I’ll have my kids and my husband

And my dog

What are all those other people going to have, huh?

Answer me that